How do you invite others to swap or watch you have sex?

Thank you for the warm welcome.

How do you go about asking another couple if they are interested in watching or maybe joining in?

We both have a desire to see each other with the opposite sex but not sure if it will hurt our relationship. I am very secure with my physique and size so I don't think it would bother me. We have set up ground rules for when the time comes I just don't know how I will feel. I think I would be incredibly turned on because MFM is our favorite porn. Thoughts?

Set up an account on one of the swingers websites and go from there. This is the first stop that most all of us made. Read some of the posts in the other forums about setting up limits and honoring them and about meeting other couples and go from there. Most important is that you do this with new couples and not think about trying to interest friends in doing this. It can cost friendships and worse. You don't want 'friends' telling everyone in your crowd about the kinky things you two are into. Best to find other people who you know are interested in doing the same thing you are.

Sounds realistic. I am not too much into travel so have you ever experienced a random couple at a local venue? Honestly I am not interested in a couple that gets beat up every weekend. I was thinking of starting with a rather new to it couple. Not to sound egotistical but, we are a very attractive couple and I would assume the light will illuminate quickly if we throw our sugar into the mixing bowl. Make sense? I had a friend who was a swinger years ago and he was just gross however I believe there are people out there such as ourselves that may want to take it step further every now and then.

"Couple who gets beat up every weekend"

" just gross"

You guys sound humble and non judgemental, you should have no problems in the lifestyle. Please let us know your search goes

"just gross" meaning he tried to screw every girl that moved. And yes every weekend would be a bit much to start with. Pay attention professor and be a little more objective next time.

. . . I believe there are people out there such as ourselves that may want to take it step further every now and then.

Thank you for the lead. After a review of the membership this seems to be more realistic to meet our desires. I appreciate it, thanks again.

Be carefull with starting with other newbies. It sounds logical but can mean startup problems times two. Maybe a couple that enjoys sex with others every weekend is not something to look down on but in fact a good match and a good way to start.

I want to agree with MrDiscover about not starting out with another new couple. Not only do you not know how you and your partner will react the first time to swapping but they won't as well. There is a possibility that no one will react badly but the chances of someone freaking out is multiplied by four instead of two. There is also the issue of neither couple knowing how to start things if both couples are interested, what might happen if one male can stay erect but cannot, and many other common issues. Starting with a more experienced couple makes it much more likely that they can help you navigate these issues calmly and patiently. Whereas another new couple probably won't because they might not know how to handle such situations.

There are two type of people in 'the lifestyle'. Those who are looking for quantity and those looking for quality (not saying one is better than the other, just different). Sounds like your friend was a quantity kind of guy. 'Quality' simply means that they are people looking for more of a friendship relationship...friends with benefits. Nothing better (IOHO) than spending a day with friends knowing that you will all be seeing everyone naked by the end of the night.

MrDiscover and Sun are both right with getting together with other newbies, you just never really know how well they have discussed things and really thought this out. Some have really done this, but most (once again IOHO) haven't. It is this possibility that leads to the 'D' word (drama). Don't be afraid or cautious of couples who have been doing this for awhile. We have been participating for 4 years (lifetime members on SLS...just because it's cheaper) and members here for 3 years. We have met dozens of couples (for dinner only as a first meeting), but have only ever 'played' with three couples TOTAL. Finding couples where everyone 'clicks' isn't as easy as many hope it will be. We have been seeing one couple for several years now and just really haven't felt the need to add to that (yet). So just because someone has been in the LS for a few years doesn't mean that they are just interested in having sex with as many people as they can...sometimes it just means that they are selective. Key words to look for are 'friends with benefits' or 'fwb'. Good luck with your search.

Good advice and well explained. I appreciate it.

Yeah, there are a few newbie couples that have contacted us, excited that we're new too. Maybe this makes me a hypocrite, but... I really don't want our first experience to be with newbies. It's going to be hard enough for me to get over my own awkwardness, let alone someone elses'. I don't know, I suppose it's unrealistic to want a couple to just take us by the hands and show us the ropes

Also, I just assume that people who are swinging have had more partners than I. Since Mr. Prufrock's my one and only, that's pretty much a certainty. So, while people who've got so many notches in their bedpost that they had to buy a new bed aren't super appealing, someone who knows what the heck they're doing and can teach us a few things along the way just makes more sense.

Honestly just like anything I am not sure there is right or wrong answer. Experience obviously accounts for many of the decisions I have made in my career however: I always calculate the risk. I clearly have a lot unanswered questions to why I am even here.

Honestly just like anything I am not sure there is right or wrong answer. Experience obviously accounts for many of the decisions I have made in my career however: I always calculate the risk. I clearly have a lot unanswered questions to why I am even here.

You are here because you are curious. As time goes by and if you dip your toes and are still interested you can share your thoughts.

We started out of my curiosity of things my wife did before we met. Over the years she would share her less than vanilla college life escapades with me. It came a point that we decided to act out my fantasy and relive her past. We looked for a couple that had some experience. We wanted to know that what we were looking for was going to happen. We thought of sex clubs but decided against it. We took to Craigslist. Plenty of fakes and flakes. Disappointed more than once but we had fun in our search. After many let downs, we hooked up with what we thought was going to be another fake. You know the too good to be true couple. You need to decide, as others have said, what you are looking for. We were looking for sex. Sex with a bisexual woman. My long fantasy was more watching my wife with a woman than having sex with the woman myself. I was somewhat apprehensive about watching her with another man, something I kept to myself. I thought I can handle it but wasn't sure. Our first time was with total strangers. We did everything, except talk. There no real connection other than sex. I got to see my wife with a woman, watched her with the man and didn't freak and had sex with a very pretty young lady. This was a breakthrough event.

Since then we have decided to be the couple other newbies would want to be with. We know the fear of the unknown for them. We have met couples, mostly from their ads who are looking for a first time. As I am typing I have the picture in my mind of a guy only wanting virgins, that's not the case. We are there for couples who are afraid but want to explore. We make it easier for them with no pressure.

If you meet a newbie, both of you are in fear of the unknown. Too many minds working. Do you want the other couple as nervous as you? You may not want to meet someone who has plenty of experience and forgot what it was like the first time. In the end, if and when you decide, have fun with it and make sure your partner is there to share the enjoyment.

As another data point to add to the discussion, I will say that our first swinger sex was with an experienced couple. We specifically sought out an experienced couple, for all the reasons that others have given. And we were very glad we did! We had a good amount of nervousness going in, and had no earthly idea how to make transition from talking about our kids and our jobs to being naked. Luckily, our experienced friends knew how to help us, and we had a great time! Seeking an experienced, caring, friendly, respectful couple was definitely, hands-down the right decision- for us.

Now, as an active couple, who do in fact try to get out most weekends for a lifestyle event, club, party, or play date, I do not feel like we are getting beat up, and I do not feel that we are gross (we try to stay pretty clean, in fact- it ups our chances of scoring!). I feel like we are having fun, and enjoying life while we can! Perhaps you are thinking that there is some additional risk attendant with a couple who goes to swinger events frequently. Maybe that is true, but it's an undeniable fact that swingers have multiple sexual partners, by definition. You may decide that the increased STD risk that comes along with being a swinger is not worth it for you. Your decision, of course.