Strange situation. First ad contact was a friend.

Ok, if you've read my thread "Curious about the lifestyle" you will know that I'm working on helping my wife open up about her feelings towards other women. Per some of the advice I've received about getting a profile set up on both here and a "meet swingers" site, I did just that. I opened up a profile for us on swinglifestyle.com. Now the interesting part.

I met up with an old friend from high school at the reunion a few weeks ago. Him and I are both working on houses and have planned on getting together to check each other's projects out. His wife was wearing something very low cut and you couldn't help but look at her incredible breasts. I kind of fantasized at the time that they were swingers, and hoped that my wife noticed her also.

About 2 days ago, I got a reply from the profile I put up. This was a shock after all my experiences on dating sites when I was single. Anyway, it was this couple. She has started playing with women and would like to get together based on our profile. It turned out that I had called him earlier that day about meeting up that night to look at the houses. I figured out the next day that it was them for sure, but they still don't know it's us on the site.

How can I broach this subject and say " hey, you know that profile you mailed... Guess what, it's us!" I'm a bit concerned that if I wait too long they'll think I'm stringing them along. But I also don't want to go too far yet as my wife, although fantasizing about this, still has not opened up about it. I also worry that they aren't exactly my wife's type. What should I do? I never expected to actually get a response from a profile.

You need to talk to your wife first and be in total agreement before you do anything further (and that agreement should have been sought before putting up a profile). Two words that absolutely don't go in the same sentence are "surprise" and "swinging". All you are doing by getting ahead of yourself is making it less likely you will ever be able to swing.

Try look at it from it from her perspective - if she can't trust you to talk to her first before putting up a profile on a swingers site, then will she be able to trust you not to break rules and boundaries if and when you do ever swing? You may say that's totally different, and putting up the profile on the internet was just playing around and you didn't expect anything from it. That may be true, but swinging takes absolute, 110% trust. Anything less, and it simply won't work.

What I would do it just ignore the message you got, take the profile down, start talking to your wife, and start over from square one on this.

So, you opened an SLS profile without even talking to your wife yet about swinging? This sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. I would message the couple back, thank them for their message, and apologize that you are taking a hiatus from swinging. Then put the site on hold until you can talk to your wife about this. We got the most messages right when we signed up for SLS, so that's not surprising. Regarding them being your acquaintances, from what I understand, it isn't too uncommon to bump into people you know. Who knows, they may know that it's you.

Regardless, I'd stop concentrating on setting up profiles, and start concentrating on talking to your wife, as all the profiles in the world won't help if your wife isn't on board.

Edit: Also, setting up profiles with my husband was the fun part! We took pictures and it really helped us to figure out exactly what we're looking for. I'd be pissed if he just went and set one up without me, I'd miss out on the fun, and it's supposed to be about us, not him.

If your wife isn't aware of the ad you put up, take it down now.

Do not entertain thoughts of asking this couple to help you persuade her by arranging a "situation" involving the four of you.

Is she aware that you put up an ad?

I have read every word that you have posted since you arrived. I suspect that your wife's interest in women exists only in your somewhat overactive imagination.

I have read every word that you have posted since you arrived. I suspect that your wife's interest in women exists only in your somewhat overactive imagination.

See, this is why I was talking about it all. She seems to go back and forth a bit. But I just can't get over how she looks at other women. I'm split 50/50 and was hoping someone would say something exactly this blunt to tell me either way. Thank you very much SW_PA. everything else I recieved was encouraging me to push but wasn't saying one way or the other. But you think it's all in my head. I will go back to trying to ignore the looks and such because I think I'm in agreement with you.

As for the add, it will disappear very shortly. I may have misunderstood when someone told me to have it ready to show her that people are out here that would be interested. I think maybe I am too optimistic on a timeline to get her talking about things. Thank you all for being so very straight forward. I'm a bit dense at times and need it between the eyes to understand.

Just, for Heaven's sake, learn from your wife what her feelings are before you forge ahead. I have sometimes failed to give my wife credit for what she knows, what she has experienced, and what she might desire. Each time I underestimate, I regret it.