Curious about the lifestyle

Hello everybody. I'm J and my wife is S. We have never been part of anything together. She doesn't talk about her life with her ex, but it makes me wonder if some things were done... No weird feelings or anything. LoL. Myself, well I'm a normal red-blooded American guy and I have always had fantasies...

 

Since S and I got married I have caught her looking at women. Now I know you're going to say all women do that. I'm know they do. I can tell the difference in the look in her eyes when it's a "she has a nice dress on" look and that "18 year old guy staring at the cheerleader with a major hard-on" look. My wife does the latter. Also, we watch the "interesting" shows, as we call them, late at night on Cinemax. She gets extremely hot when we watch a 2 girl scene.

 

Now the catch... S is Asian, raised in Korea. In their culture fantasies are not talked about. They're just left to hope that they will eventually happen. My question to all of you is, how can I help her open up about her fantasies and hopefully move on to fulfilling both of ours. All it would take is a threesome with the right woman and we would be going.

 

Thank you for your advice in advance.

Welcome to the board!

 

Breaking cultural taboos that you've been brought up with can be a challenge. I think I would start small. Let her know you appreciate how difficult sharing fantasies can be for her, but that you think it will help the relationship. Thank and acknowledge any time she does push her limits and comfort zone.

 

Whatever you do, don't try to "surprise" her with a setup, like some men are tempted to do.

Now the catch... S is Asian, raised in Korea. In their culture fantasies are not talked about. They're just left to hope that they will eventually happen. My question to all of you is, how can I help her open up about her fantasies and hopefully move on to fulfilling both of ours. All it would take is a threesome with the right woman and we would be going.

 

Hello and welcome! The only advice I have is to talk with her. If you can open up and tell her about your fantasies, she may be more inclined to divulge her own. If she isn't willing to talk about it, don't push her. It is possible that even if she does check other women out in a lecherous manner, she may not ever be interested in having sex with them. You'll never find out unless you ensure she has a comfortable and safe (non-judgmental or pushy) environment to confide her feelings in.

 

Whatever you do, don't try to "surprise" her with a setup, like some men are tempted to do.

 

I will never understand why people do this. I had one guy message us, telling us his wife didn't like the idea or risk of finding people online for sex, but if we happened to bump into them at the bar, he was sure she'd go for it. I very nicely told him that I was a little nervous about the online aspect as well, but felt that for the lifestyle to work, honesty had to be the main component for everyone involved. Needless to say I didn't hear back from him, and I didn't shed any tears over the loss.

Welcome to the Swingers Board! Maybe bring her here? By that I don't mean shove it in front of her, but just make her aware of it, and then leave her to looking into it on her own. It may take an hour, a day, months, or never, but you've opened the door, and she will decide when she wants to peek through to see what's on the other side, even if it's out of nothing but curiosity. Then, when she's ready, she will probably bring the subject to you and you can start the process of working through it together.

Thank you for the responses. I would never surprise her with anything. That would be "bad" on the Egon scale (from Ghostbusters). When I catch her looking, I usually say something about how she seems to like girls more than I do. She gets embarrassed and that's usually the end of it.

 

Every once in a while she tells me some girl is really pretty. I can't tell if she's fishing for me to agree or if I'm supposed to do the standard "not as pretty as you". I usually do the latter. Maybe I should tell her I think so too and see what happens. I think I've been afraid to go that route just in case I'm making more of it than it is to her.

 

I have to admit that I never really cared for the idea of two girls until this. It now gets me really excited to think of watching her explore her feelings with another girl. Based on the girls she picks out, I can almost see it.

 

Then one day i had a realization. It was that maybe through this we could simultaneously knock out both our fantasies. Yes... I have the standard guy fantasy of two women. Sorry... I'm simple. LoL. Anyway, I just need to get the guts to actually push past that little teasing and see what happens. I'll have to keep you all posted on how it's going.

. . . Anyway, I just need to get the guts to actually push past that little teasing and see what happens. . .

Yes, you do. It might otherwise eat you up inside. You could, perhaps, start with tentative questions like, " have you heard of swinging?" Then, "what have you head about it? What do you think of it?" The next question will depend upon the answer you receive for the last. Where you hope to ultimately lead the line of questioning is, "do you think you would ever want to do like that?" All the question do not have to be asked in one day. Don't push. If it seems appropriate, bring her to this Web site. We're a gentle and friendly bunch.

 

Finally, be honest with yourself. Is watching your wife with a woman all that you want? Do you want, maybe, a woman for yourself?

occpl, there's already lots of good info here, including SW_PA_Couple's perceptive question encouraging you to think about what you might want to experience out of this!

 

If you two have good, open communication, and a solid basis of trust between you, then it should be possible to bring up this topic without anybody feeling threatened or betrayed. Still, we abundantly understand your trepidation about broaching this topic!

 

In the case of the Mrs. and me, the subject of swinging came up as we were watching a TV show on Playboy TV called Swing. We enjoyed watching this reality show about new swingers having their first experience in a house full of experienced swingers. We would talk about the situation of the newbie couple, whether they seemed ready, how much they liked the sexy game they just played, etc. At some point, one of us (we're honestly not even sure which one of us!) changed the question from "how do you think that newbie couple will do?", to "how do you think WE would do?" Once the topic was safely out in the open, it was all uphill from there!!

I did mention that I have the standard guy fantasy of 2 women, and this may be a way for both of us to explore our fantasies. I know there are more, but I'd be happy to help her get that basic one going. I caught her ogling a girl wearing spandex this afternoon. I really wanted to say something, but the kids were in the car. Ugh... LoL

I did mention that I have the standard guy fantasy of 2 women, and this may be a way for both of us to explore our fantasies. I know there are more, but I'd be happy to help her get that basic one going. I caught her ogling a girl wearing spandex this afternoon. I really wanted to say something, but the kids were in the car. Ugh... LoL

This is why I am glad to have no kids of my own

Today we were standing in the laundry room waiting for the dryer to finish. She was right in front of he window looking out. I came up behind her and reached around to her front rubbing her breasts and said "we could put on quite a show from here". Her response was to give a little laugh. And it wasn't a "yeah right" kind of laugh. It was more of a normal laugh. I hope that's a good sign.

 

I kind of like what CoupleinMD79 said about watching swing and putting ourselves in that position. Getting my wife to talk about anything is hard. I think this is going to be a long arduous process. LoL

Open up your lines of communication. Nothing bad can come from that, only good. Talk with her and start asking her and sharing your fantasies. The first step is always communication.