Jump to content
Justwetoo

Feeling shy and not flirty

Recommended Posts

My husband and I are new to the lifestyle and we both are very excited about its potential. We have been with one other couple in a soft swap situation while on vacation and although it was a little awkward, we both enjoyed it very much. Since returning home we have been trying to connect with other couples but I (wife) find it a little difficult to let go of my inhibitions and get to know others in an intimate fashion. I have been the loyal dedicated wife and did not allow myself to flirt and when other men came on to me I never allowed myself to entertain the thought because I was in a monogamous relationship. Now, I'm having a hard time connecting.

 

My husband and I are attractive fun and playful people but I don't know how to flirt or be forthright enough to let others know I am interested. Is there anyone out there who has managed to work through a situation like this? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I want this with my husband but am having a hard time overcoming my limitations.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Welcome to the forum, Justwetoo! I don't really have any advice for you because I don't know what others deem as "flirty" but I think if you bring a smile to the table and you are open and friendly, it will be a step in the right direction. :)

Share this post


Link to post

I think one thing that might help would be to just put yourself out there by attending some events like meet and greets. That will put you in the position of someone flirting with you, and then by allowing yourself to respond to that, you may start to become more comfortable being the one that is initiating the flirting. Basically, let them flirt with you for you to relearn how to flirt with them.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Welcome to the board. You are lucky to have come across this place. It is FULL of information. Stick around, get to know some folks here and join in the conversations. We would love to hear how your journey goes.

 

Anyway...

Shyness probably a bigger problem for a guy than a lady. You probably feel you need to be much more flirty than you really have to. You are in the fortunate position to be the one being approached. All you need to do is make eye contact, light touching on the arm or hand, smile a lot and show interest. The rest should fall into place.

Share this post


Link to post

The best way to improve social skills is to put yourself into situations where you can practice them.

 

One of the esteemed members of this Web site has been know to recommend a book, "How to Work a Room". I have not read the book but I value the advice that this particular member lends.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
I have been the loyal dedicated wife and did not allow myself to flirt and when other men came on to me I never allowed myself to entertain the thought because I was in a monogamous relationship. Now, I'm having a hard time connecting. My husband and I are attractive fun and playful people but I don't know how to flirt or be forthright enough to let others know I am interested. Is there anyone out there who has managed to work through a situation like this? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I want this with my husband but am having a hard time overcoming my limitations.

 

What I'm hearing you say, more than just shyness, is that you're having trouble adjusting the idea that it's ok to express attraction/interest in someone other than your husband. You say you're excited about the lifestyle and you want to do this with your husband, but you're struggling with the inhibitions born out of monogamy.

 

Can you tell us a little more about what's going on for you? What sparked your interest in swinging? What are these inhibitions that you feel are holding you back? I get the sense from your post that you aren't just doing this because your husband wants it, that you are genuinely interested too... is that right?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

LH is a wise man.

 

Is there anyone else who has managed to work through a situation like this? Yes...most of us.

 

Talk more to your husband...communication here is THE KEY to success. Make sure that you both understand what the rules and limits are (and they WILL change on a sliding scale as time progresses so keep talking) and get to where you feel comfortable with what those limits are. Trust each other and make sure that you return that trust. Then move forward. Do you love your husband? Do you KNOW he loves you? If not, then work on that more (by talking to him...btw, there's nothing hotter than a wife opening up and telling her SO about her secret fantasies). If the relationship is good, then it will all be good. He's giving you permission to do what you want and in return you are doing the same...kind of the ultimate gift.

 

As for flirting, that's the easy part and it will come right back to you once you are comfortable with what you are doing. Short version: smile and be polite. It's hard to flirt when you are uncertain about what (and why) you are doing. Comfort will inspire confidence and confidence will inspire everything else. This is suppose to be something that you enjoy TOGETHER with your spouse...a team sport. Have a good time with it...if you are not having a good time, maybe this isn't the thing for you two to be doing (now). Maybe start with a meet and greet with the understanding that the ONLY thing happening that night is meeting and greeting (no pressure on you to do anything else). Most people will understand that and accommodate your rules. Nothing is ever expected and it's usually best to go with no expectations in return also. HAVE FUN, make some new friends, maybe watch some other couples have sex (maybe have sex with your husband while others watch you...whatever your rules allow), but have a good time. Enjoy the expectation leading up to going, enjoy the time there, enjoy meeting new friends, and then enjoy the SMOKING HOT SEX you will have with your husband when you get home (if you can wait that long). There's no rush here. Take things as fast or as slow as you want but remember to enjoy what you are doing...and then come back here and tell us all everything (lol).

 

We've all been here so don't be afraid of asking more questions too.

 

BTW, Nor Cal here. Glad to have you here. Feel free to ask us anything.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I can tell you I am very shy and I would call my husband just as shy. Not sure how you broke the ice or what you did on your vacation. We also had our first experience on a vacation. I think you are more open when on vacation to try new things. We went to our first nude beach with a couple we just met. We figured no one knows us there. When it came to undressing I think my husband was the last to do it. At that point, sex with another couple was not on my mind. I admit being nude gave me sexual feelings but never thought we would go there. I thought it was a joke when that night it was suggested we go back to our cabins switching spouses. Maybe drinks took over.

 

How to get past shyness? Change your location. Don't play in your backyard. I found it easier because we figured we wouldn't see them again and nobody would know. I am still shy. I can't initiate. I guess I like being seduced. I have had sex in front of my husband but prefer separate rooms. We have met that original couple and friends of theirs but to me I would rather not put on a show.

Share this post


Link to post

Hello, justwetoo! I'm with lionheart72 and GoldCoCouple in wondering whether there is an element of concern about your husband's reaction that is contributing to your hesitation.

 

One thing that we try to do when meeting a couple for dinner is to sit in a booth, and sit "swapped"; i.e., the Mrs. sitting next to the other guy, and me sitting with the other woman. We all talk and get to know the other couple. And if we seem to be clicking, we might give a touch on the arm or shoulder or leg from time to time, and that touch might linger as the evening proceeds. Perhaps after a little bit of this closer contact with your (possible) play partners, you and your hubby could adjourn to the restroom area for a minute. This will give you a chance to check in with each other and see how you are each liking your new friends. You could also take this chance to see if your hubby is OK with seeing you flirting with the other guy. If he's like many of us guys, he will not only be OK with it, he'll be really turned on by it! Hopefully that will help you to feel more confident that your husband wants you to flirt and have fun. By the way, this is also a chance for you to communicate whether YOU are good with HIS flirting.

 

Keep practicing- it gets easier, and it's also fun! And keep talking and checking in with your husband. Good luck!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Some men misinterpret a woman being just plain friendly as if she is flirting with them. So just be your friendly self. You could also just relax and let a man flirt with you.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...