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BrewstersShade

Wife is fully interested in swinging... now what?

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Hello, I am new and curious to the idea of swinging. My name is Blake and I'm a married 26y guy to a 25y lady. I guess I am just trying to figure out where to start. I have a lot of questions but it's tough to figure out which to begin with.

 

First off, I haven't yet told my wife about my interest in this, but I know she would be open to it (trust me on this one). She wouldn't care that I was on here or anything. I'm just not quite ready to propose the question. I am mostly interested in watching my wife with another woman or orally pleasure another man. Is that technically the definition of swinging? Anyways, I am a little unsure how to propose this to her. I know she wouldn't be upset or shut me down, I guess I just don't want to be blunt about it. I want to work up to it but quickly. Is it strange to not necessarily be interested in myself being with another individual and would rather watch my wife instead?

 

My wife has a very high sex drive and I am quite capable of pleasing her, it is just the amount of sex she craves. I sometimes feel like I need a backup Quarterback to my starting Quarterback position :lol: My wife is a very good looking girl. Sometimes I feel I just want to see her being pleasured to the full extent that which she craves. And it doesn't bother me that I can't keep up with her appetite. I am not a sex robot lol. I also want to see her pleasuring someone else. She is great at oral sex and I feel I want someone else to experience her talent. Like it's almost selfish of me to keep it to myself:) I don't want to "use" her but instead just let her flourish sexually. But at the same time she is one of those women that enjoys being a sex slave in a way I guess. Sorry for rambling and I hope I'm not way off the mark here.

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Hello, Blake here again. My first post was a couple hours ago and I mentioned I am very interested in swinging. I hadn't expressed my interest to my wife and at the recommendations of a few other users, I just came and told her everything I was thinking. Complete, no sugarcoating truth.

 

I told her that I got off to the thought of watching her with another guy and that finding a couple like ourselves to experience pure sexual pleasure with was what I desired. I told her how much I wanted to make love to her right after she finished with another man and how I want her to be fully sexually satisfied (she has an insatiable appetite) and that I would do whatever to make her happy. And that as a bonus I would thoroughly enjoy it too :D I knew she wouldn't be weirded out by it, but what I wasn't expecting was for her to be so turned on by all of it.

 

After we were done talking we had back to back intensely intimate sessions. We haven't been that sexually romantic in some time. It feels so freeing to finally have it all out in the open. I didn't want to continue keeping my feelings from her, and even though I didn't know if I was ready, I went ahead and took a leap of faith and did it. Whew.. Sorry.. Lol.. So now that we are fully open and both very much interested in this lifestyle, what do we do? Is it best to seek out an experienced couple first or a novice pair like ourselves? Any tips at all for a first time swinger couple would be very much appreciated.

 

Ps. We both agreed on same room.. at least at first. We both have voyeuristic tendencies

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Good for you two! Get ready for a thrilling ride!

 

I think you should seek out an experienced couple for your first time swapping, rather than another newbie couple. An experienced couple who are newbie-friendly will be ready to answer your questions, allay your concerns, and show you the ropes. They will also hopefully be understanding of any last-minute nerves you two might have.

 

Another first step you two might take, if it's available to you, would be to visit a local swinger's club. Although it seems like many people on this board love meeting couples at clubs, the Mrs. and I have found it notoriously difficult to make new friends at a club setting. The reason I'm suggesting that you head for a club is to give you two a chance to try playing with each other in a setting where other couples are playing nearby. Is your voyeuristic tendency matched by an exhibitionist streak? If so, you could join in the fun in a group room or a room with a window. One hot aspect of this lifestyle is that there's a lot of opportunity for "social sex"- and it would be fun to see if you like seeing and being seen!

 

Keep talking, be bold, and enjoy your entry into this thing of ours together!

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I definitely think you should seek either an experienced couple or male for your first experience. Couples often find it easier to find a really compatible male they both like for an erotic sexual mfm rather than a couple where all four are compatible. This would also fulfill your desire to see her being pleasured by another male and allow you the opportunity to make love with her as soon as he cums without having already cum with the other wife in a mfmf.

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Good job on just going ahead and bringing it up to her. Since you had already moved past the "how do I bring it up" point, I merged your two threads together into this one.

 

I think the first thing you do is exactly what you are going, just start researching and learning here about the different ways of swinging, what to seek and what to avoid, how to work through the inevitable bumps in the road, and everything else a happy swinger couple needs to know. From what you have described, I'm thinking a MFM threesome with an experienced single male is probably a good way to start. Being experienced in the Lifestyle, he should know what his role is and how he fits into the overall dynamic. You can start that search online by signing up for a profile with SLS or one of the other online personals sites. Be prepared though, there are a ton of single males out there, some of them not being single at all or else just looking to get some quick sex, so be prepared to do some work sorting through them until you find someone she is attracted to and who is on the up and up and understands swinging.

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First, congratulations. You've taken a huge first step: you shared your feelings and desires honestly and openly. Keep doing that. :)

 

... what do we do? Is it best to seek out an experienced couple first or a novice pair like ourselves? Any tips at all for a first time swinger couple would be very much appreciated. Ps. We both agreed on same room.. at least at first. We both have voyeuristic tendencies

 

Personally, I'm a big proponent of swingers clubs. In an ideal situation a club represents a safe environment with a good mix of people who are all there for the same reason you are and who all know and play by the rules (obviously, not every club is ideal, but surprisingly all of the ones I've gone to have been pretty darn close). It's a place where you can meet and socialize with people who have a wide range of swinging experiences. It is also, naturally, a place where you can hook up with people and either watch or participate in wild and crazy sex. :)

 

Now, some advice... first, talk to each other about your desires, expectations and above all limits. This doesn't have to be a detailed book of rules, though it can be. What is important is that you are both on the same page. It's also important that you set up those rules while clear-headed. What sounds like a great idea in the middle of sex might not be so thrilling over the breakfast table. That's why serious talks about expectations and limits are generally best held with clothes on. Once you know your desires and limits, you're in a good place to start.

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Thank you all for the excellent advice. I feel it will be an experience for us that will be well thought out. The euphoria from the initial conversation is still high and I feel I want to pamper my wife a little extra for how good she made me feel when we spoke about swinging. I made it clear that I wanted to see her pleased by another man. She said her only hang up with that is me not getting enough attention, which I then had to explain the beauty of her being pleased, pleases me. However, I am wanting her to control every aspect so she has nothing but fun. It's been so great today. There is something more sexual about her since our talk and I can't quite put my finger on it, but wow it's hot. It's like a sexual aura:drool: We are going to continue to keep the book open and fill in the blanks until we are secure with a first encounter. I know she has some things she wants to do first, like increase her gym routine and whatnot. I am going to have her read your guys' advice as it definitely helped me. We got a lot of homework to do!

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Talking and planning is good, but please try to balance it. Don't overanalyze this. Gym routine and whatnot sounds so overly planned already :) It's not a job application or beauty contest, it is just fun.

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Thank you all for the excellent advice. I feel it will be an experience for us that will be well thought out. The euphoria from the initial conversation is still high and I feel I want to pamper my wife a little extra for how good she made me feel when we spoke about swinging. I made it clear that I wanted to see her pleased by another man. She said her only hang up with that is me not getting enough attention, which I then had to explain the beauty of her being pleased, pleases me. However, I am wanting her to control every aspect so she has nothing but fun. It's been so great today. There is something more sexual about her since our talk and I can't quite put my finger on it, but wow it's hot. It's like a sexual aura:drool: We are going to continue to keep the book open and fill in the blanks until we are secure with a first encounter. I know she has some things she wants to do first, like increase her gym routine and whatnot. I am going to have her read your guys' advice as it definitely helped me. We got a lot of homework to do!

 

Our experience was similar. It took months from an initial discussion to actually going to check out a club. Yes, a gym routine was and has since became part of our lives. There are a lot of really positive spin off's from the discussions you are having. I definitely had the experience of my wife just being 'HOTTER' after 'the conversation'. I think it's part of the ride, enjoy it!

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There is something more sexual about her since our talk and I can't quite put my finger on it, but wow it's hot. It's like a sexual aura

 

If I had to guess, I'd say you've given her the freedom to be sexy. American culture is very down on sexuality in general and even moreso on female sexuality. You've given her permission to embrace her sexual nature and are encouraging her to be sexy rather than judging her for it. Just a theory... :)

 

As for her concerns about you not getting enough attention... my attitude is similar to yours. When my wife and I swing, I am less interested (often not interested at all) in hooking up myself. Rather, I very much want to see her hooking up. I like watching her and, fortunately, she likes being watched. She loves to perform. In that way, me watching her and her performing for me, we are together and it becomes a shared experience, a shared pleasure. That's what's really important in swinging, IMO... that it is a shared experience between you and your partner, however that sharing works for the two of you.

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Thanks kikonkrome. It's great hearing others with a similar experience/thought process. On the topic of my wife becoming hotter after the discussion, she is all I can think about today. After being married for 8 years and to feel this way again... It's pure ecstasy. We plan to just take it slow and really enjoy the "building up" to our first encounter.. Again, thanks for your input

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I think you hit the nail on the head Lionheart72. I think a lot of the increased sexual attraction has to do with sexual repression being erased.

 

I told her I wanted her to open up fully to me and don't have any fear sharing what she thinks about and what she wants. And then she did open up and I about passed out from excitement! During our session she was talking so dirty and I found myself more vocal than I've been in years. While using her oral talents on me after our talk, she stopped for a second and asked if I would like for her to "look at me" while she orally pleasured another man. I pretty much lost it at that point and made love to her hotter than I can ever remember. I asked her to show me how she would pleasure the other man with her mouth and she then proceeded in absolutely blowing my mind with her mouth.

 

When it was time for me to show her how much I love her, she was incredibly wet. Knowing how much she enjoys the thought of all this is just.. Awesome. And then after we were finished making love, we just continued to really enjoy each others company. Our energy has been stunning. I plan to have a nice bouquet of flowers for when she arrives home from work.

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Thanks for your input MrDiscover. I can see where it would appear that we are making it a chore instead of pleasure, but for us, the gym is viewed more as a pleasurable experience. I've also noticed the swinging culture is quite prevalent in gym atmospheres.But hey, anything to get me motivated for more exercise! Lol

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I think you hit the nail on the head Lionheart72. I think a lot of the increased sexual attraction has to do with sexual repression being erased. I told her I wanted her to open up fully to me and don't have any fear sharing what she thinks about and what she wants. And then she did open up and I about passed out from excitement! During our session she was talking so dirty and I found myself more vocal than I've been in years. While using her oral talents on me after our talk, she stopped for a second and asked if I would like for her to "look at me" while she orally pleasured another man.I pretty much lost it at that point and made love to her hotter than I can ever remember.I asked her to show me how she would pleasure the other man with her mouth and she then proceeded in absolutely blowing my mind with her mouth.When it was time for me to show her how much I love her, she was incredibly wet. Knowing how much she enjoys the thought of all this is just.. Awesome. And then after we were finished making love, we just continued to really enjoy eachothers company. Our energy has been stunning. I plan to have a nice boquet of flowers for when she arrives home from work

 

Daa-amn! :) Sounds like you guys are on a good track. Have fun.

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Kudos to your wife for wanting to be more fit and healthy! Now just in case there is any tiny bit of concern on her part about whether she is going to be seen as attractive, I want to reassure her that lots of people will find her smokin' hot! How can I be so sure of that, when I've never even seen a picture of her? Because the Mrs. and I have met a lot of people in this thing of ours, and I can assure you that all shapes, sizes, and ages are represented in the lifestyle. And there are plenty of people who find each of them very attractive!

 

So if Mrs. BrewstersShade wants to head for the gym to feel better and get more fit, fantastic! But she should know that she will be seen as hot and desireable just as she is, as long as she is friendly and outgoing. Sexy is as sexy does!

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Thanks for the kind words CoupleInMD79. She always wants to look better. I know how desirable she is because guys are always looking her way and obviously thinking dirty thoughts :sex: lol! She looks like a young I dream of Jeannie. She's got ivory skin along with the long blonde hair that she puts up into a tight pony tail like a fountain. Combine that with her cat eyes that almost look Asian in appearance. Put her in some yoga pants and a tank-top and good god :surrend: But sadly she doesn't realize how pretty she is. With time I think her sexual confidence will rise and I cross my fingers that her being self conscious will be a thing of the past. Naturally, she has full control of what she wants. And I want whatever she wants

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I know where you're coming from, BrewstersShade. One of the happy benefits of being in the lifestyle is that Mrs. CoupleInMD has been told many times, by many men (and not a few women!) just how spectacular she is! And it's not just words, either- she is being hungrily devoured by these men (and not a few women!!) as well. So I think she is finally believing what I've been telling her about how hot she is. It's been quite the (well-deserved) ego boost for her!

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That's great to hear for you and Mrs. CoupleInMD. I'm sure she was beautiful to begin with, but I bet she's absolutely stunning with her increased sexual confidence and self-ego. I'm hoping my own beauty will have similar results to yours!

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I totally agree. After we started "swinging," I gained so much confidence and poise, much more able to accept men's flattery and generally deal with them. Wish I had done it in my 20's just so I would have gone through the 20's and 30's with that advantage.

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