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    Unhappy He came in her mouth without warning - faux pas?

    We just helped break a new couple into swinging. After a wonderful dinner follower by play and foreplay, we all got naked. The other couples wife and I started getting really friendly and in no time were engaged in a torrid sex session. My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male. Everything was great until the other guy blew his load without warning and my wife went off on him. My dick went limp in no time at the yelling and the evening was effectively a bust. We both went home feeling pretty bad.

    I realize he committed a faux pas by not warning of the impeding release but honestly as a newby I think my wife should have just grinned and swallowed (or spit) without making a huge ruckus. She claims there was no excuse for his faux pas and that he should have worn a rubber if he new he was going to blow. What is the consensus out there?

  2. Back To Top | #2

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    This is one of those things that should be discussed in advance. Since my girl loves to swallow (she would be disappointed if he DIDN"T cum in her mouth) as do our gfs. If she objects to swallowing and wants warning from him she should tell him so in advance. This is exactly the kind of situation I think my proposed questionaire would obviate.
    J

  3. Back To Top | #3
    Swingers Board Addict LadyCleo's Avatar
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    F half of married couple

    Default I agree

    If she didn't want him to come in her mouth, she should have said so to begin with. Especially considering that they were new and didn't know better.
    I don't understand how you all could have gotten naked without covering a few basic rules.

    Not judging, just confused.

    LC
    A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. --Mignon McLaughlin

  4. Back To Top | #4

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    ANd he should have asked if it was ok before he did. I say its 50/50 on this one.
    J

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    Swingers Board Addict PrtyinDuo's Avatar
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    BiCpl in the hills of Pa.

    Default

    Well,being the male half,cant say I havent done that be4.But,you
    dont have to be an experienced swinger to know that "some girls do,and some girls dont".A little courtesy warning on his part would have been nice in my opinion.
    TheDuo She is T..
    He is T 2...

  6. Back To Top | #6

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    I think she over reacted a bit. If she had a major problem with him cumming in her mouth she should have said something. He also should have asked. Things like this should have been discussed beforehand.

    I put slightly more of it on her though because the other couple was new and during the excitment of a first encounter you don't always think as clearly as you should. As the experienced couple you should know this and make sure any ground rules are spelled out AND understood.

    Hopefully you alld can get past this and play in the future

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Thumbs up

    I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. Poor guy, he was perhaps just as surprised as you were.
    The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.
    I hope you can all make peace, be friends and laugh together over this one soon.
    --If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default The effects could last ....

    Originally posted by NightGoddess
    I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. ...The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.
    --If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...
    I think there are risks when you party with newbies, as well as pleasures. The risks can include one (or both) of them discovering part way into the activity that they weren't quite as ready as they'd thought. Sometimes one being overcome by the "green-eyed" monster is the unhappy result. So it seems that this was on down the list of dangers that are possible, and falls into the category of a "manners" type of issue. And yes, as the experienced couple, you can do a lot to ease what is now probably a guy who is "horrified" with himself for having done something wrong.
    We have all known of those (maybe been among them) who have had a negative experience at some time. If the "unhappy" partner is sufficiently verbal, it can pretty much put a damper on any activity for some time to come for the "offender". I'll bet you wouldn't want their first experience to be their last one, so keep in mind, newbies are still learning. And you have it in your power to take this in stride, and make them comfortable in the lifestyle, or leave things as they stand, and leave them VERY gunshy about not doing things "right". Up to you!

  9. Back To Top | #9

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    I have to agree with some of the others this should of been discused and understood before anything actually got started. We make it a point to set ground rules with the couple that we are with before we actually do anything. They were new and they didnt think to ask and Im sure he is probably just as upset over this as your wife is.

    I agree with the others, you need to talk to them and let them know that he should of at least said something to her in advance. I have seen new people have a bad experience and then they decide not to try it again and I know that isnt what you both would like to see happen.

    Good luck I hope you all can straighten this out!

  10. Back To Top | #10

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    Personally, I think the Faux Pas was on your wife's part not on his.

    I think it's a personal preference regarding wanting to be warned and I think that most women who give blowjobs on even a semi-regular basis know the warning signs without a guy having to say "hey I'm gonna cum".

    If she had issues with a guy coming in her mouth then she should have told him up front that he needed to pull out when he was ready to come and given him directions on where she wanted him to cum. Last I checked the purpose of giving a blowjob was to make a guy cum so to get upset and say he should have worn a condom if he was going to come is a bit of an oxymoron.

    I wouldn't be surprised if your wife just scared this couple right out of the lifestyle.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  11. Back To Top | #11

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    We are with Julie on this one. Yelling about a mistake has a tendency to make people that are new to something more nervous. In our opinion your wife should aplogize, and soon so that couple doesn't call it quits because of an obvious bad first encounter. Besides at the beginning of your post you said that you were breaking them in. Remind you wife of that.
    Bill & Sabrina

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    Thumbs up

    Ditto on everything BillandSabrina and Just Julie said...well done!

  13. Back To Top | #13

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    I read this early on and started to post something, but for some reason hesitated.

    But I'm with Julie on this one. I don't know that I would have thought to discuss this upfront (but now I do). However, I don't want anyone coming in my mouth and I've always been able to tell the "symptoms" of an impending ejaculation and been able to change the pace, pull back, or prevent it in some other way. I find it difficult to believe she didn't know it was fixin' to happen. I can understand that he may have thought it was OK by her if she offered no objections as he became more aroused.

    Question for the husband of this couple in response to this comment:

    My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male.

    Is it possible she thought you were going to get upset because she had allowed it to happen? Or maybe she was somehow upset because you were "ravishing" his wife? The way this sentence is worded made me wonder. -EBF

  14. Back To Top | #14

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    I think general rule is, if you don't want to do something, you say so up front so I agree if that your wife over reacted. I may be wrong, but I've always assumed that typical and complete blowjob included cumming and swallow. If one prefers to deviate from the norm, one should speak up.

    I'm feeling sorry for the newbie couple. What a traumatic first time.

    -- Bunny

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: The effects could last ....

    We seem to be in agreement with most people here that the wife has the (slightly) greater responsibility for what happened. One thing we wanted to comment on particularly was this:

    Originally posted by wrnakedru
    We have all known of those (maybe been among them) who have had a negative experience at some time. If the "unhappy" partner is sufficiently verbal, it can pretty much put a damper on any activity for some time to come for the "offender". I'll bet you wouldn't want their first experience to be their last one, so keep in mind, newbies are still learning. And you have it in your power to take this in stride, and make them comfortable in the lifestyle, or leave things as they stand, and leave them VERY gunshy about not doing things "right". Up to you!
    which we thought was an excellent point. This situation could easily lead to a couple returning to the ranks of the "non-swingers" forever. Hopefully, it won't come to that.

  16. Back To Top | #16

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    Originally posted by NightGoddess
    I think if any of us made a mistake we would appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt. Poor guy, he was perhaps just as surprised as you were.
    The male newbie was probably so excited at his first time he was caught without warning.
    I hope you can all make peace, be friends and laugh together over this one soon.
    --If it is a possibility, try being the 'experienced' ones and say, sorry, didn't mean to over-react...and get to talking about it in a non-judgmental way, like "Hey, there were some things I really liked...how about you?" ---and go from there to preferences, but be gentle. We all like to think of ourselves as good lovers, and something like this can be tough on the ego...
    I totally agree with this advice. Obviously it is always everyone involved's responsibility to TALK beforehand.. but being newbies they probably only now realize the importance of that. He also may not have had any idea that he would respond so.. strongly.. to what he was experiencing.

    Anyone can over-react at times.. but I think when you are experienced, and know you are dealing with newbies, you must be willing to take on a certain amount of responsibility as an example (hopefully a good one), a guide, and a teacher.

    Hopefully you can all discuss the situation and how to avoid it in the future. Open communication is one of the most important, and can also be one of the hardest lessons learned in this lifestyle.

    Raella

  17. Back To Top | #17

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    well a fuax pas or not i give ample warning of my impeanding seeds of furry! pleanty of time to let my partner get away or swallow if she may! to ear is human to do it again is assinine. as far as the yelling goes! thats just wrong!wrong! wrong! it takes two too make a mistake in this instance!

  18. Back To Top | #18

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    There is also the possibility that your wife was mad because she was giving a bj instead of getting fucked herself.
    J

  19. Back To Top | #19

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    I have to go along with Julie, EBF and some of the others. From where I sit, your wife fucked up bigtime. First, by not letting him know up front that she didn't want him cumming in her mouth, and second, by throwing a fit when it in fact happened.

    I have yet to see any woman who felt that strongly about this issue who did not tell me from the start that she didn't want me to cum in her mouth. If she has that big of a hangup about taking a guy's load, she should always say so beforehand.

    And if your wife's concern was disease (the mention of the condom), then she also fucked up by not having him wrap that rascal before ever starting the Hoover Maneuver on him, because she was swallowing his precum long before he ever got to the main event, as it were, and that can carry all the same bugs as semen can.

    Bottom line, you guys screwed up in a big way, especially your wife.

    Bear

  20. Back To Top | #20

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    Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
    I think general rule is, if you don't want to do something, you say so up front so I agree if that your wife over reacted. I may be wrong, but I've always assumed that typical and complete blowjob included cumming and swallow. If one prefers to deviate from the norm, one should speak up.

    I'm feeling sorry for the newbie couple. What a traumatic first time.

    -- Bunny
    I sure think you're right on this one, Bunny. We used to play with a couple whose lady didn't want cum in her mouth. I solved the problem by seldom letting her give me head. Her husband loved getting head from Mrs. Alura. Swallowing was something he wasn't used to.

    Getting head doesn't make me harder or more excited anyway, eating pussy does. I'd rather be licking the lady because both of us would be doing something we enjoy instead of just one of us.

    I'm not saying head shouldn't be used as foreplay only but I'd like to know if that's the sole acceptable option.

    I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

    Mr. Alura

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Wife was Wrong

    Sorry....but your wife was totally wrong.

    Isn't it safe to assume that preforming oral sex might lead to orgasm. She should had made it clear that she didn't enjoy from the very beginning.

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: Faux Pas or Not?

    Originally posted by Unregistered
    My wife did the really nice thing of blowing the other hubby while he watched his wife get ravished by another male.
    This part of this post has really been bugging me ever since it was initially posted. Why I didn't comment on it earlier I don't know, other than I was too side tracked by the main point of the post.

    It bothers me that you say your wife did the "really nice thing" of blowing her hubby while he watched your ravish his wife. To me it sounds as tho your wife wasn't interested in this guy at all, in which case I think you both should have abstained. Evidently she didn't want to play, and if you guys have a policy where one partner is willing to "take one for the team" so to speak then she needs to get over it and deal with it rather than making it sound like the two of you were doing this couple a favor (her by blowing him and you by ravishing his wife). Obviously in the end the only favor you may have given them was to show them why NOT to join the lifestyle.
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  23. Back To Top | #23

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    Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
    ...I have yet to see any woman who felt that strongly about this issue who did not tell me from the start that she didn't want me to cum in her mouth. If she has that big of a hangup about taking a guy's load, she should always say so beforehand.
    ...
    We've only made that mistake once Now J makes it clear upfront that cumming in her mouth isn't going to happen. She's tried, believe me, but it's just NOT something she likes at all.

    -B
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  24. Back To Top | #24

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    Originally posted by Alura
    ...I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.

    Mr. Alura
    Amen, my friend. It's always welcome, but I never ask and wait for the lady in question to tell me...which is a huge turn on for me.

    -B
    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain
    All about us...

  25. Back To Top | #25

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    ...I think it's a real turn-on when a lady tells me she wants me to come in her mouth. I won't ask and won't come unless she says she wants me to.
    ditto
    especialy when they look up and into your eyes and say it!

    (mr bama has left his office to take care of a few things)

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