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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Single male friend came inside wife

    My wife and I have been having MFM threesomes lately and one of our main rules is that the other guy is not allowed to cum inside of her. This one certain guy we have been friends with for a long time we opt to not use condoms with (dumb...but we know him very well...) Last time we were with him we were doing double vaginal penetration..I was on the bottom and he was behind her, and after a while I was the first to cum! I was laying there with my cock still inside of her, in my own little world enjoying the experience and watching my wife still getting fucked from behind. Then after a few minutes my wife leaned up and had his cock in her hands...mind you...she did not jump up. I asked her later if he came inside her and she said no. Well last night we were texting with him to set up another date and he suggested to me that we do another double creampie with her. I played into it and said that was a hot idea and asked him if we did that last time...told him I was in my own little world and didnt remember. His response was "absolutely we did" I then looked at my wife and asked her again if he came inside and she said she really dont think so...then she said maybe he shot once...then after i told her of our conversation...she said she really didnt know and he could have but his cock was so wet she thought it was cause of her bein so wet and that I just came!
    I think she knew all along and chose not to tell me about it...she would have known if he would have came in her hands...she would have felt cum on her hands!!! Is it possible for her to not feel him cumming inside of her? Obviously they stopped fucking for a reason and she had his cock in her hand...so she obviously knew he was done! Just lokin for some feedback....thanks...and please no rude comments!

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    OK, a couple of issues here...
    1) Trust. Either you trust your wife, and therefore believe that she did not know if he came in her or not, or you don't. If you don't, I think you need to stop swinging until you reestablish the trust.
    2) Biology... there is semen flowing from a man's erect penis long before he ejaculates. Therefore, by allowing a man to place his unprotected erect penis in your wife, you are allowing him to put his semen in her. This is a reason the "pull out" method of birth control doesn't work. Allowing a man to fuck your wife unprotected but requiring that he pull out before ejaculation is a little absurd, IMO. I think you need to serious reevaluate your rules here. If you don't want him to cum in your wife, make him wear a condom. If you don't want him to ware a condom, accept that he has cum in your wife.

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    I am trying to figure out where to start on this. First off, I pass no judgement on anything people do in the LS as long as no one gets hurt.

    As for the feeling him cum inside of her, unless this guy cums like a fire hose how can you expect her to. She just got finished doing two guys at the same time in the same orifice, there had to be just a little sensory feedback issue there. Now if she did feel it or knew that it happened and didn't tell you it is either because she liked it and knew you would be upset or she didn't want you to get mad at your friend. Either way I think the two of you should have a calm conversation about it.

    What is the reason that you don't want the other guy to cum in your wife? Is it a disease or pregnancy issue? If so, then not using a condom with anyone is not a good idea. Is it an emotional issue? If so I think you two need to evaluate the acts that the two of you engage in during these situations.

    Now as for the guy. I do not see how you can realistically expect someone not to cum inside of her in a situation like that. The only way to assure that it won't happen is to insist on condoms. As for him, it might have snuck up on him, in that case he gets a pass. But if it didn't shame on him for not following the rules, but at lease he didn't try to lie about it.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    I've had many times I couldn't tell a man came, it's not always obvious. You need to trust your wife, it could be hurtful to her if you don't. If you can't trust her than you have a bigger problem and need to back up and figure out why and fix it.
    ~Lilo

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default

    Since you came in her too, how are either of you in a position to know whose semen is whose? Under those circumstances, there would be no way for you to be sure. If only he had ejaculated inside her, then it would have been more obvious.

    The real question is why the three of you discarded your rule without discussing it first. It's not so much who is to blame, but that it happened even though you all agreed that it wouldn't. It doesn't sound like you're particularly worried about pregnancy or STIs in this situation, or else you wouldn't be going bareback anyway. You have to find out if it bothers you or your wife that he did it and didn't acknowledge it until well after the fact.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    We agree with the posters above, and your situation is more or less why we don't have the same rule. If my wife is with a guy that we know and trust well enough to go bareback with her then he has full permission to cum inside of her. She has her "tubes tied" so we're not worried about pregnancy, and if it's a guy we know and trust (and believe me, that's only a select few) then we're not worried about disease either. In our opinion, if your situation is such that you trust this guy and you're not worried about either disease or pregnancy, we're not sure why him cumming inside of her would be that big of a deal. Please don't take that as making your rule trivial, because that's not the intent at all. I guess we just don't understand it.

    I would say to have an honest discussion with your wife first and foremost. As for the friend, if he broke the rule intentionally then you need to have a stern talk with him. People have rules for their own very good reasons, and if he can't play by them, then in our opinion he loses the privilege (and yes, it IS a privilege for him) of fucking your wife. Having said that, those things can easily creep up in the heat of the moment. We had a similar situation when a good friend and I DPd my wife for the first time. It was sensory overload for all of us and we all came pretty quickly after it started. So, it is very possible that it just sneaked up on the guy and he lost control. In that case it's probably safe to say that he didn't break the rule intentionally.

    As with everything in the LS, open and honest communication... always. However, as someone else said, if you're doubting your wife and you're not sure that you believe what she's telling you then it's probably time to put swinging on hold.

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    Some good comments so far. You were still inside of her and you didn't know so it's entirely possible she didn't either. But if she did maybe she kept it from you because she knew how you would react? Talk about it without judgement and move on.
    I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    I think it would be nearly impossible for her to know, since you had already come inside her. I usually can't feel it, I only know for sure after. He'd have your come on him when he pulled out.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    Your rules are your rules, but allowing bareback but not come isn't very practical, since you're already getting come even without ejaculation. However, practical or not, I'm sure you have told your friend that, which makes him responsible for where he ejaculates. This is not your wife's job. I don't always know when a partner comes (it helps if they're noisy) and I suspect that having one guy's ejaculate inside me would make that even more difficult. As to her having to know, you're assuming that men don't just...stop. Sometimes they do and, in any case, if I'm aroused, I don't care why, just that they did.

    That's the logical explanation, but here's the coda: If your wife tells you something and you don't believe it, because you don't trust her, why are you swinging? The combination isn't healthy for a relationship, even if the sex is great.

    We're not generally rude here (it's not actually allowed), but we are forthright in our opinions.

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    If its a rule that he cant cum inside her, but is allowed to go bareback, why didnt you tell him in the first place that he cant cum inside her?
    If you allow bareback then why not allow cum inside her?
    - If she isnt on birth control and you're allowing someone else to fuck her bareback... sounds utterly stupid?
    - if she is on birth control, why isnt he allowed to cum inside her?
    odd rule

    My friend always cums inside my girlfriend, she is on birth control...

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    A couple of points to add
    1. From my understanding, the risk of disease transmission and pregnancy is significantly lower from precut than full ejaculation. Therefore, the rule of bareback but no cumming inside may not be totally nuts ( I don't think it is a great idea, but it is not rediculous.
    2. On the issue of whether you should be upset, I think you really need to unpack why you are upset. In my mind, the fact that he came inside your wife and the fact that she may have lied about it are pretty minor transgressions. If you allow someone to go bareback while DPing people can get carried away and accidents happen. As for her lie, I would give her the benefit of the doubt - if she was not sure whether he came or not (and I bet she was unsure given she was already full of your gunk and had likely cum a few times herself, it is likely she suspended disbelief a little and convinced herself he did not cum inside her. In my experience, when you are in the heat of a super hot sexual experience, the events blur a bit and recollect is imperfect. So, if you buy my argument that what she did is actually kind of minor, I think you need to figure out why it has upset you so. This is likely more complex

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    Quote Originally Posted by sparkstar View Post
    If its a rule that he cant cum inside her, but is allowed to go bareback, why didnt you tell him in the first place that he cant cum inside her?
    If you allow bareback then why not allow cum inside her?
    - If she isnt on birth control and you're allowing someone else to fuck her bareback... sounds utterly stupid?
    - if she is on birth control, why isnt he allowed to cum inside her?
    odd rule

    My friend always cums inside my girlfriend, she is on birth control...
    Birth control isn't perfect; in fact it's not that great at all. A combination of female birth control and condoms offers the best protection against getting pregnant. Using the pull out method as birth control isn't very good, but if the choices are:

    - Go bareback, she is on birth control, he cums inside of her.
    - Go bareback, she is on birth control, he doesn't cum inside of her.

    You will have better chances of not getting pregnant if he doesn't cum inside of her. If pregnancy is the concern I would suggest you don't do bareback at all though.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    Quote Originally Posted by M&S View Post
    A couple of points to add
    1. From my understanding, the risk of disease transmission and pregnancy is significantly lower from precut than full ejaculation.

    Sorry M&S, completely untrue. While this may slightly lower the risk of pregnancy as there are less sperm in pre-ejaculate than in full ejaculate, disease is carried in semen, not sperm.
    I would agree that the heart of the matter lies in why the rule was established in the first place. Perhaps it's a reservation they placed to hold that for each other only. Nothing wrong with that, and would certainly cause hurt feelings if the reserved act was shared with another party, even if unknowingly. jkc4u, I do not question your rules. You made a contract for a reason. Examining the reason will give you the answer to the feelings you have. They may be deeper than you are realizing.

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Hippiegirlie View Post
    Sorry M&S, completely untrue. While this may slightly lower the risk of pregnancy as there are less sperm in pre-ejaculate than in full ejaculate, disease is carried in semen, not sperm.
    I would agree that the heart of the matter lies in why the rule was established in the first place. Perhaps it's a reservation they placed to hold that for each other only. Nothing wrong with that, and would certainly cause hurt feelings if the reserved act was shared with another party, even if unknowingly. jkc4u, I do not question your rules. You made a contract for a reason. Examining the reason will give you the answer to the feelings you have. They may be deeper than you are realizing.
    Pregnancy risk is much lower, precum's purpose is to clean and lubricate the pipes to make it a better environment for the sperm, so there aren't many viable sperm there. It does depend on how recently the man has ejaculated. If it was just a couple hours ago there will be more sperm leftover from that ejaculation that are washed out by the precum. Still, pulling out is not the best method of birth control, obviously.

    Disease risk depends on the disease since some are skin to skin, like hpv and herpes. There is a very small concentration of hiv in pre-cum of infected people. Gonorrhea and chlamydia are transmissable through precum.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Singel male friend came inside wife

    Quote Originally Posted by funcoupledayton View Post
    Pregnancy risk is much lower, precum's purpose is to clean and lubricate the pipes to make it a better environment for the sperm, so there aren't many viable sperm there. It does depend on how recently the man has ejaculated. If it was just a couple hours ago there will be more sperm leftover from that ejaculation that are washed out by the precum. Still, pulling out is not the best method of birth control, obviously.

    Disease risk depends on the disease since some are skin to skin, like hpv and herpes. There is a very small concentration of hiv in pre-cum of infected people. Gonorrhea and chlamydia are transmissable through precum.
    Thank you funcoupledayton, you are correct. I was speaking of diseases spread via bodily fluid since we were talking about ejaculate. Skin transmittable diseases are out of play as there is no condom use whether ejaculation took place inside or outside the vagina, and condoms do not prevent the spread of some surface transmitted diseases anyway.

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    If both get tested before having unprotected sex then theres no need to worry about diseases. As long as you trust the person who is single (or even couple) to be very careful when they sleep with someone else. We can all type a book on how we judge people in figuring out how we decide on whether a person is trustworthy or not.

    Its like me and Hayley, on the odd occasion we/she might do something very risky - when she has had unprotected sex with a stranger. We refuse to have unprotected sex with anyone else for at least 3 months just in case so that no one else's safety is at risk.

    Hayley used to get checked up every 4-6 weeks when she used to work as a lapdancer/escort. When she was 18-20 she used to work at a popular massage parlour two days a week, on average she would see 10 men every day thats about 1000 men per year just at that brothel so 2-3000 men? add the odd men from doing extra's at the strip club, lets say a total of 3500?
    At age 21-24 she was escorting, average i think she said 5 men per week, plus however many in her private life including gangbang parties with 5-25 men at each, total nearly 1000? Total 4500 with when she was 18-20.
    Age 25-26 (now) id say about 50-100 that i know of or suspect.

    So at the age of 26 she's been with approx 4000-5000 men? She has only ever caught:
    Molluscum Contagiosum - once around her pubic area, which isnt even classed as a typical sexually transmitted infection. She didnt have sex for two months.
    Of all those men she think's she has had unprotected sex with about 100-200 of them. The biggest risk she has ever done is at a gangbang advertised as bareback where about 20 men turned up, half of them didnt use condoms for sex.
    The majority men she hasnt use condoms for giving blowjobs to.

    We've known a lot of other people with similar backgrounds, never caught anything serious. Some people just seem to say it to scare people into not having sex or just plain encourage you to always use condoms no matter what.
    We've known a woman who has been with easily over 5000 men in her time she's aged 31, most without condoms at gangbang parties. Yet she has never caught anything since doing the gangbangs 10 years ago...
    all sounds unbelievable to someone who hasnt slept around much, and im surprised myself at those kind of figures considering all the stories you hear about STD's are on the increase and how someone who has had a one night stand already caught something.

    Personally ive only been with about 50 women, about half were without condoms, ive been checked up 10-12 times - results have always been clean.

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    Then I consider you fortunate. May your luck not run out Sparkstar. I prefer statistical safety over intuition and trust.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    The risk isn't really how many people you can have sex with and not catch anything. The risk is, if you have sex with someone who has an STD, what is the transmission rate. Also, what is the fallout if you do catch something; can you live with the consequences? Risk and consequences shape how you mitigate the risk; for us the consequences aren't worth the risk. For others they view it differently

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    Quote Originally Posted by slevin View Post
    The risk isn't really how many people you can have sex with and not catch anything. The risk is, if you have sex with someone who has an STD, what is the transmission rate. Also, what is the fallout if you do catch something; can you live with the consequences? Risk and consequences shape how you mitigate the risk; for us the consequences aren't worth the risk. For others they view it differently
    Well, apparently, from what ive read lately, take HIV for example:
    a man who has HIV has almost a 100% chance of infecting a woman through anal sex, but is reduced if they have only vaginal sex (ive forgot the percentage chance rate). If she seeks medical help through vacinations after having sex the chance is very low she will catch HIV from vaginal sex.
    a woman who has HIV has a low chance of infecting a man through vaginal sex.
    As for AID's, lets face it you will know when you have AID's - only a very, very sick person would intentionally have unprotected sex with someone.

    As for hepititus, syphilis, gonareah however its spelt, i havnt heard of variant chance rates of catching those, i assume 100% no matter what the scenario is.
    Saying that though, the chances of catching those are actually reduced if both men and woman wash before and after having sex, and preferably trimmed or shaved pubic's so you can clearly see for any obvious signs of STI skin infections. I mean if you both have a bush of pubes, havnt washed, dont take any/much notice to the others private bits ie drop your pants and hump away... your chances of catching something is much higher.

  20. Back To Top | #20

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    Quote Originally Posted by sparkstar View Post
    Well, apparently, from what ive read lately, take HIV for example:
    a man who has HIV has almost a 100% chance of infecting a woman through anal sex, but is reduced if they have only vaginal sex (ive forgot the percentage chance rate). If she seeks medical help through vacinations after having sex the chance is very low she will catch HIV from vaginal sex.
    a woman who has HIV has a low chance of infecting a man through vaginal sex.
    As for AID's, lets face it you will know when you have AID's - only a very, very sick person would intentionally have unprotected sex with someone.
    I can literally hear public health employees hitting the ground as they faint.

  21. Back To Top | #21

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    You can play Russian Roulette a thousand times and never die... or you can play it once and die instantly.

    Personally, when it comes to something that can kill and my wife, I don't take chances. (Edit: Ok, we swing, so we are taking some chances... but we do everything we can to mitigate the risks involved.)

  22. Back To Top | #22

    Default Re: Single male friend came inside wife

    Yes, it is possible that she did not know. We have our own spasms going on down there, and often we don't feel yours. Given that she was doing a DP she had even more going on, so it's very likely she didn't know.

    As others said, you need to determine if you trust your wife or not. If not, don't swing. If so, trust her.

    You're a guy, you know damn well that guys can not always control themselves and pull out before they come. Knowing this, doing a DP without a condom is just not smart. A DP is going to increase the sensitivity and make it even more likely that he may not be able to control himself. Plus, as has already been pointed out there is always semen coming out in pre-cum and throughout sex. The idea that it only comes out when he "comes" is a fallicy. If you don't want come inside of her then use condoms.

    That said, if he knew your rules and wasn't at least apologetic about coming inside of her afterwards, then there's an issue of trust to be dealt with with HIM.
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