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badbehavior

Wife broke rule...playing without me

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Hello. Got a question. The wife and I were at a friend's house hooking up MFM. One of our rules is play together no matter what. Well I decided to test her on this rule.

 

We were all playing in the same room having full intercourse and I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I left and shut the door leaving the two of them alone. When I came back I listened at the door and could hear them going at it good. It was 2 a.m. I decided to leave them be and lay down in the next room to see if she would come look for me in a little bit. Remember our rule is to not play alone.

 

Well I fell asleep after about an hour. 6 a.m. came and she was still not there. I could still hear them going at it. 30 mins later she came in to me.

 

When I asked her what happened she said she couldn't get away from him. I said I heard the two of you doing it all night. She said every time he would go to sleep he would hold her close and when she tried to get away she would wake him up by accident and then he would have sex with her again. She said she didn't say "no" but felt like she couldn't get away from him to come back to me because every time he woke up he begged her to stay.

 

What do all of you think? She did say the sex was better because when I left the room his dick got harder and was more fun to be with. Just curious. Thanks

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I don't think either one of you are ready to be playing in this Lifestyle.

 

You feel the need to "test" her, you don't trust her and she is making up nonsense stories to try to keep you from getting pissed off at her actions.

 

This lifestyle is about total trust and honesty between partners before anything else and you two don't have that at this point.

 

Back off, take a break and talk about what happened without pointing fingers and making a major deal out of it. You both messed up.

 

Once you really have the trust and communication that you need then venture back in slowly.

 

Good luck to you.

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badbehavior said:
Well I decided to test her on this rule.

 

:redflag: Why did you feel the need to test her? If you had any question that your rule might not be followed, then why set her up for failure, rather than sitting down and TALKING to her about your feelings/concerns?

 

Quote
We were all playing in the same room have full intercourse and I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I left and shut the door leaving the two of them alone. When I came back I listened at the door and could hear them going at it good.

 

Again, it seems like this was a situation doomed to failure. Because if you were already having intercourse before you left to go to the bathroom, then I can see how your wife and the other guy didn't think it a big deal to keep going. Did you actually expect all play to stop if either of you left the room for ANY reason? And was this expressly discussed when this rule was set?

 

If not, at this point, I would question the rule itself, or how well ya'll communicated with each other. This could easily be chalked up to a misunderstanding.

 

Quote
It was 2 am. I decided to leave them be and lay down in the next room to see if she would come look for me in a little bit. Remember our rule is to not play a lone. Well I fell asleep after about an hour. 6am came and she was still not there. I could still hear them going at it. 30 mins later she came in to me.

 

WHY, if she'd already broken your rule would you not go right back to that room and ask that playtime stop, or leave as soon as they were done?

 

I grant you, she should've come to you sooner, or at least called out to you to see if you were okay.

 

Quote
When I asked her what happened she said she couldn't get away from him. I said I heard the two of you doing it all night. She said every time he would go to sleep he would hold her close and when she tried to get away she would wake him up by accident and then he would have sex with her again. She said she didn't say "no" but felt like she couldn't get away from him to come back to me because every time he woke up he begged her to stay. What do all of you think. She did say the sex was better because when I left the room his dick got harder and was more fun to be with. Just curious. Thanks

 

Okay, this sounds like a flimsy excuse, which leads me to believe one of two things: She either has cheated on you before or given you reason to believe she would cheat (in which case, swinging is a bad idea), OR this whole situation is bogus. Sorry, but the whole thing does sound a bit fishy to me.

 

Why, after setting her up for a fall, and allowing her to break the rule would you let her stay with a guy all night?!? NO WAY would Mr. Sweet allow that to happen . . . :confused:

 

IF this situation is on the level, ya'll really need to TALK--ya'll need to discuss how/why this situation happened. You need to discuss your rules more thoroughly, and/or reevaluate their validity. You both need to learn how to say NO if something bothers you/makes you uncomfortable.

 

Maybe some of the other members here can give you a better perspective . . .

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One of our rules is play together now matter what. Well I decided to test her on this rule. We were all playing in the same room have full intercoarse and I said I needed to go to the bathroom.

"Not playing alone" includes during piss breaks? Really?

 

I don't think either one of you are ready to be playing in this Lifestyle.

Quoted for truth.

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Serously..... you have to "test" her during a piss break?

 

You could have went back in the room, or did they lock you out?

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My first thought is was she supposed to press the "pause" button waiting for you to return from the bathroom? In the heat of things that might be a difficult thing. So think to expect her to stop for a moment is not in the spirit of your rule. But..not looking for you later, that would bother me.

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Wow talk about some issues here. If Bunny ever tried to play the test me game you did, there would be alot of talking and no swinging going on till it got resolved. Trust has to be number one in this lifestyle.

 

What bothers me the most is when you say you never went back in and she never came out to find you till hours later. This shows a total lack of maturity on both of your parts. You stayed away in a huff and I think she realised this and decided to just stay and have fun rather than deal with what was going to be drama. In a way I cant blame her. Stop playing for a bathroom break!!!! Give me a break. She decided if she was going to catch hell she might as well have the fun first. I may be guessing at some things here, but from what you have said I am willing to bet that I am not far off.

 

So like most of the others said you need to take a break because you are not ready to deal with the lifestyle. You are just both playing games with each other.

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A lot have already thrown in some really good advice, but a few weeks ago we had two similar threads that went different directions, both originally posted about the same time.

 

Girlfriend messed up...did full swap

 

She broke rules. I felt betrayed. Am I Wrong?

 

There are several ways to handle your situation. The most important thing is that you both talk truthfully about what happened, and work together to find out how to deal with the situation and maintain your relationship. During times like these, we usually tell the couple to take at least a break for a while.

 

You wanted to test your wife. Did your rules state that you had to be present for anything that happens, so no one can go to the bathroom or get a glass of water? What happens if you finish first and need to go to the bathroom (which you did). Had you discussed these things with her beforehand, so you both knew the appropriate response?

 

Now while it would be understandable to continue on until he finishes that round with you missing, the problem is neither of them went looking for you to see what you were up to. They continued to play for several more hours. This seems very inconsiderate to begin with, and leads to a whole different line of thought.

 

But let's pay attention to her response, which had her trying to get away and him not letting her. Let's assume that was true. You've opened her up into a situation out of her control and that's the main reason for playing together. But you also left her in that situation by not going back in for her. At the least you should have done was gone back in after a short period and sat down to watch, especially if you were done. Regardless of that, you let her down by not backing her up if she needed help.

 

You both need to sit down and ask each other - not why would you do this - but gameplay the whole scenario and come up with a way you would both prefer to handle things like this in the future, if you continue to play with others. That way you are on the same sheet of music to begin with. You will find that going back over the whole series of events will give you guidance on different but similar situations, so you will know how to handle them together.

 

And one last note. Don't test your significant other. You are ALWAYS going to set yourself up for heartbreak if you do so. Work together to determine a course of action if something happens ahead of time, and stick by it.

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Your test failed, not your wife.

 

Now come on....be honest...you have a bit of voyeur in you, eh? It was fun to leave them and let them have at it and lay there and listen to them just fucking each other, wasn't it?

 

Is that why you just laid there and didn't go back into the room? I'm sure initially your wife and the other guy thought you would return. But apparently you didn't just to play a head game, or then again, maybe it was that voyeur in you that wanted to expose itself and you thought you'd get some fun listening to them and your wife would come looking for you. Only that didn't happen, did it?

 

So then you got your feelings hurt and you decided you didn't want to go back to where you should have been, in the room with your wife.

 

Your wife shouldn't have been expected to come find you and be where you were at, it was your job to be where she was at. This was an M-F-M and you left the room...not her.

 

It's your situation and you created it. Now take the blame for it not turning out the way you expected it to. Your lucky your wife didn't lambast you for leaving her alone in that room with that guy without prior knowledge.

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and two more cents.. find another male for MFM. Regardless of all else he was party to this and was inconsiderate of your feelings. Especially if you shared your rules with him.

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Thank you all for writing in. I appreciate the differant views. I did talk to her the next day about it and worked it out. We do have great communication. I told her it was part my fault for playing head games with myself. She said she was having fun and lost track of time and thought I was coming back.

 

When I said that our rule is to play together always doesn't mean to stop durning piss breaks. Just no full swapping in another room without each other. I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.

 

Thanks again everyone. I just wanted your opinion on the matter. I do understand it was my fault for testing her like I did and told her it wouldn't happen again and she said she would be more aware of me being gone.

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Thank you all for writing in. I appreciate the differant views. I did talk to her the next day about it and worked it out. We do have great communication. I told her it was part my fault for playing head games with myself. She said she was having fun and lost track of time and thought I was coming back.

 

When I said that our rule is to play together always doesn't mean to stop durning piss breaks. Just no full swapping in another room without each other. I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.

 

Thanks again everyone. I just wanted your opinion on the matter. I do understand it was my fault for testing her like I did and told her it wouldn't happen again and she said she would be more aware of me being gone.

 

I stil think her not coming to find you is a reaction to you not coming back. So your communication skills may not be as good as you think. But then agains whos really is? Just remember that in this lifestyle you will run into situations that you have not talked about beforehand, so you need to have a general rule of respect to fall back on. An example from our experience is a time at a club. We had been playing all night and Bunny woke up wanting more but I wasnt being easy to wake up. She knew of a guy she was attracted to that was available downstairs and thought about going and getting him. But she was unsure of the situation because we had never discussed this possibility and didnt go get him. When she told me about it later I said that she should have gone and gotten him and brought him up to the bed. That would not be breaking the rules as we would still be together, and I will either wake up and join in or watch, or I might say go for it and roll over and go back to sleep. All in all it doesnt matter as long as we respect each other and stay on the same page.

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I don't think "testing" is a good idea. It's not really honest, nor is it needed. Really, if it's necessary that she stop having sex (yeah! right!) while you go piss, y'all have more problems with trust than you think.

 

Mr. Alura

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When I said that our rule is to play together always doesn't mean to stop durning piss breaks. Just no full swapping in another room without each other. I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.

 

Your rule is unclear, and your wife was probably unclear. What exactly is the rule? "If one of us leaves while the other is having sex, keep going. But, set a timer in your head to check on the other person if they don't come back soon"?

 

This is confusing at best. A confusing rule isn't a rule.

 

My wife and I discussed this at length before getting into the lifestyle as something that could come up. What if we're swapping and one of us has leave the room to go to the bathroom? Our rule; we're gone for as long as it takes to go to the bathroom and maybe get a drink. While gone, the action continues assuming the spouse left behind feels safe and comfortable with that.

 

That's easy to follow. If I was gone for more than 15 or 20 minutes, my wife would stop everything and come looking for me.

 

Your rule isn't easy to follow.

 

Work it out and come up with a rule that makes sense. In the meantime, don't hold your wife accountable for violating a confusing rule. She was having fun having sex with the guy.

 

And stop the stupid tests. I agree one million percent with everyone else above on that; if you feel the need to 'test' your spouse, you shouldn't be playing.

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I don't mind if I got to go get something to drink or piss and she continues to play but I figured after an hour of me being gone she would come look for me. 1: To make sure I was alright (physical or emotion). 2: Because it is suppost to be a MFM party not a MF. I just felt a little hurt she didn't come find me.

 

 

None of us (as far as I know) are mind readers. If your rule was that it was ok for you to go take a piss and she didn't have to stop, then she had no reason to think otherwise. So you were gone for a while, you left her having a good time. Yes, I would think when she was done and you still hadn't returned she'd go looking for you. But if something is/was wrong with you, then it's up to YOU to tell her and to stop the play, it is not up to her to read your mind and figure out something is wrong when you haven't told her (that applies to all areas of life, not just swinging situations).

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The problems is when you're 'testing' someone you're typically looking for failure. Guess what ? You found exactly what you were looking for, even if it wasn't really the case.

 

Think about that next time. Judge a person by their real world actions, not when you treat them like a lab rat. Shame on you and I'm glad she had a blast fucking the other guy--- Susan

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Well you went looking for her to fail. Guess what the failure fairy came along and granted your wish!

I would say you all need to really discuss your rules again and maybe you should inform her of the fine print clauses you have added about restroom breaks.

Although I think the staying and fuck'n all night with a lame excuse is bullshit, unless she was testing you, too.

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I call bullshit on the whole thing... Two posts only, never returned to the thread, and the story itself is very dubious.

 

If it is real, everyone involved sort of deserves each other :D I mean its fucked up to stage little tests without a doubt, but its equally fucked up for two people to not wonder where the hell the third is after HOURS. I mean the person could be dead, no? I suppose MAYBE the other guy wouldnt give a shit (although wasnt it supposedly HIS house? you'd think even the most callous ass would at least worry about that part), but I would assume that any spouse would, after HOURS, say "huh... thats odd"

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Guest BamaRide

I've read all the posts related to this and have to add one additional comment.

 

She was not alone... you were in the same suite... when you party in a group there is an assumed situation that 'all' are together. What you did was remove yourself from the play pen and then had an unrealistic expectation that your wife would come looking for you. This is a sign of a person that must control the situation and your actions were passive agrressive in nature.

 

Yes you and your wife need to talk and work this out but if your talks are reflective of your behaivior on the evening in question then I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that she gave you the responses that you wanted to hear to put an end to the discussion in easiest way possible.

 

One of the beautiful things my wife and I gathered from the lifestyle was to expand our understanding of not just each other..but of ourselves as people. This is a good time for reflection. Don't mask what your feeling were and what the underlying meaning are related to those feelings of her 'breaking the rules'. She didn't, you changed the playing field and had an expectation of a time out. When she experienced touch down after touch down you felt benched.

 

This can be a growth experience for you and your wife if you face the issues honestly with yourself and her.

 

BamaRide

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Don't mask what your feeling were and what the underlying meaning are related to those feelings of her 'breaking the rules'. She didn't, you changed the playing field and had an expectation of a time out. When she experienced touch down after touch down you felt benched.

 

I do agree with this in general, but think about this particular story *assuming its true*. We're talking about HOURS away. I mean not giving a shit that someone has been gone for HOURS when there are three people in the house and everyone had been in the same room is grossly callous and/or irresponsible. It goes way beyond any rules or anything like this.

 

Put it this way... Take swinging out of it. Imagine its just dinner or watching a movie. One person "goes to the bathroom" and FOUR HOURS later isnt back. LOL. I mean you know... At some point anyone reasonable, no matter how selfish, would HOPEFULLY start to worry that the other person may be dead. It just isnt realistic to "lose track of time" on that level and the supposed excuse was that she "couldnt get away" which meant that both WERE aware of the time elapsing. That meant that they both supposedly realized that the other guy STILL wasnt around, but the male swing partner didnt care and the wife felt that prying herself from the swing partner to see if the husband was dead, was just too difficult to do :lol:

 

Thats why I think this whole story is either tremendously sad or just BS (or at least wildly exaggerated).

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One would hope that she could have said "No" at any point and been free to go look. In any case the whole thing smacks of high drama...

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On 7/30/2009 at 8:02 AM, Additude said:

Your test failed, not your wife.

 

Now come on....be honest...you have a bit of voyeur in you, eh? It was fun to leave them and let them have at it and lay there and listen to them just fucking each other, wasn't it?

 

Is that why you just laid there and didn't go back into the room? I'm sure initially your wife and the other guy thought you would return. But apparently you didn't just to play a head game, or then again, maybe it was that voyeur in you that wanted to expose itself and you thought you'd get some fun listening to them and your wife would come looking for you. Only that didn't happen, did it?

 

So then you got your feelings hurt and you decided you didn't want to go back to where you should have been, in the room with your wife.

 

Your wife shouldn't have been expected to come find you and be where you were at, it was your job to be where she was at. This was an M-F-M and you left the room...not her.

 

It's your situation and you created it. Now take the blame for it not turning out the way you expected it to. Your lucky your wife didn't lambast you for leaving her alone in that room with that guy without prior knowledge.

I disagree, I think the wife failed.

 

After she realized that he was gone after they had finished the first session, why would she let him keep her in the bed. All she had to do was say I want to find my husband/boyfriend/significant other. Obviously she did not want to leave the bed and wanted to continue with the other man and did not care about her boyfriend or significant other. That was a lame excuse for what she did and she was just trying to stop him from being pissed off at her for breaking the rules that they both sit together. 

 

It is my thought that if the roles were reversed, everybody would be running around with pitchforks screaming at the man for doing the same thing that this woman did. She broke the rules that they both set together.

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On 9/5/2009 at 8:46 PM, Guest BamaRide said:

I've read all the posts related to this and have to add one additional comment.

 

She was not alone... you were in the same suite... when you party in a group there is an assumed situation that 'all' are together. What you did was remove yourself from the play pen and then had an unrealistic expectation that your wife would come looking for you. This is a sign of a person that must control the situation and your actions were passive agrressive in nature.

 

Yes you and your wife need to talk and work this out but if your talks are reflective of your behaivior on the evening in question then I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that she gave you the responses that you wanted to hear to put an end to the discussion in easiest way possible.

 

One of the beautiful things my wife and I gathered from the lifestyle was to expand our understanding of not just each other..but of ourselves as people. This is a good time for reflection. Don't mask what your feeling were and what the underlying meaning are related to those feelings of her 'breaking the rules'. She didn't, you changed the playing field and had an expectation of a time out. When she experienced touch down after touch down you felt benched.

 

This can be a growth experience for you and your wife if you face the issues honestly with yourself and her.

 

BamaRide

I don’t understand, why would his wife not come looking for him. That is her husband. Let’s suppose that he was not testing her but he was really upset that he walked out, and she just continued on like nothing happened like she did. Soon as she saw that he was not there after a while, especially after they stopped, her being his wife, she should have went to go find him to see if he is OK. Suppose he did not want to come back to the room because he was upset.? I understand it was a test and she failed the test. It was their rule not to play alone and yes he tested it and she failed the test  and use the excuse that this man kept her from leaving the room. It is obvious that she didn’t really want to leave the room or she would’ve made a greater effort to try to find out what was going on with her husband.

 

As for the test, I think he should not have done it. But he found out that his wife did not care define him or to see if he is OK.

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    • By anc
      Hello to all and we hope someone can help us with my (his) problem in this lifestyle!!!
       
      Please read in its entirety. I (him) will be completely honest because we want completely honest answers!!! We have both created this together. It is very long because we want whoever is reading it to be able to give us true answers that will help. Thanks in advance.
       
      We've been married for over 16 yrs and have been together for 17. We are deeply in love with each other. We both love sex!!! We have a wonderful marriage and have never fought or even disagreed about anything other than this part of our lives. Below we have told you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,….so help us please! We know we both have jealousy issues although him way more than her.
       
      Anyhow when we were dating my wife told me she had had a dream of a MFM. I told her I always dreamt of a MFF. I told her that her dream of a MFM would never happen because I could never see her with another man and I meant it. She told me that it was just a dream and that her true fantasy was to do a MMFF. I told her that that would never happen either because my greatest fear would be to see her lose it with another man.
       
      Anyhow, 6 yrs later she gave me a MFF with her best friend of over 15 years then. She was recently divorced. We didn't talk about any rules or anything prior to it. We were stupid and uneducated. We thought swinging was a myth and really didn't think it existed.
      Her friend flew to us to visit. The first night started with very little foreplay, and then her girlfriend started to seduce me and then sat on me and continued to do so. We then got into it hot and heavy. It became just me and her girlfriend. We did everything, you name it, we did it. (minus anal) I basically forgot about my wife the rest of the session.
       
      Afterwards she cried and we fought about it. I ran out of things to say and fell asleep. It seemed nothing I said would help. The next night she did the same for me and I fucked up again. The same thing happened the second night. She cried and we fought again and yet again we did it the third night.
       
      The third night while we're doing it I tried to give wife some attention and she demanded me to just f*#$ her! We both remember me doing so and practically almost breaking down in tears while doing it.
       
      After her girlfriend flew back home she cried, we fought again. She hated me and I didn’t know what to say to fix what I’d done so I basically just tried to love her and avoid the conversations.
       
      A year and a half later her friend came to visit again. I promised myself I’d never forget about my wife again. In doing so, when the three of us did it again I made it a point to do everything equal. Afterwards my wife pointed out that I licked her girlfriend and not her and she was pissed because I was a robot. She said that it was like a slap in the face to her. We argued about it again and every time I ever did anything wrong she would through all four experiences in my face.
       
      2 years passed and the same girlfriend got married. I decided to give my wife the foursome she always wanted because I felt I owed her for all my mistakes. We did it with her friend and her husband but beforehand I made a list of things my wife couldn’t do because of my greatest fear of seeing her with another man. She promised me that she would never let that happen. Her rules were: no kissing, no looking in the other mans eyes, no necking, no seducing, and whichever man came first the wife had to finish off their own man. Again we didn’t want to make my greatest fear come true. My rule was no kissing. We both agreed and went into it.
       
      We did it with them about 15 times with those rules. Each time before and afterwards she would throw the past in my face. With each time I would pay more and more attention to her and enjoy it less and less. She never really enjoyed the experiences either. We both however enjoyed parts of each experience and that’s what made us do it over and over again.
       
      I must point out that you all think her girlfriend was hot but she was not. She was not my taste. Some might say ugly. She had an ugly personality and was over my weight standards. To me it was just about sex.
       
      Eventually, I lifted the no kissing rule for my wife but all other remained the same. We kept the other rules because of my greatest fear and she again promised she would never let that happen. We did it another 5-6 times but my wife and the other guy never kissed. He was scared of me and my wife never wanted to go for the kiss. She always waited for him to initiate it and he never did out of fear even though I told him it was ok. Me and her girlfriend did everything but keep in mind I always paid attention to my wife so I never really enjoyed it. Again, over each time the past was thrown in my face before and after each experience.
       
      One time the four of us were in a hotel room and the women were sucking off the other’s husbands. My wife made him cum and then there was a moment where we all looked at each other. She wanted to finish sucking and her husbands said go ahead. I looked at my wife and she gave me an expressionless face and threw her hands up as if to say, fuck it, go ahead. Her girlfriend did so. It was the most unenjoyable blow job ever. I had to stiffen my legs and force myself to cum. Afterwards she threw the fact that I broke that rule in my face.
       
      We both decided to pursue swinging since it never worked with her girlfriend and her husband. We enjoyed parts of each experience but never the whole thing. I learned that I enjoyed the MFM portions of each experience, and I mean I really enjoyed those!!! And so did she!!! My wife is bi but it seemed her girlfriend just did it to do it. Her girlfriend never got into it (seducing me) like she did the first three times we did it with just her during all the times after she married. Neither my wife nor I were attracted to them in the least bit. They became boring to both of us.
       
      I talked my wife into getting an account on a swinger website and we searched for another couple. I told her that all her all rules were lifted if we were to do this. I felt guilty for being greedy for so many years of having her abide by rules which were unfair. I just asked her again to never allow my greatest fear to happen and again she promised it wouldn’t. We agreed on using condoms since we were getting ready to do it with couples we didn’t know. The reason we didn’t use condoms with her girlfriend and her husband was because all four of us were in monogamous marriages and myself and he were fixed (couldn’t make babies).
       
      We eventually met up with another couple and he was overweight and she was not. We ended up getting a hotel room and when he undressed it grossed both of us out. We started it anyway. To make a long story short, my wife took one for the team and I felt really bad for her. This experience only resulted in a soft-swap due to the other guy cumming to fast. It lasted probably about 15-20 minutes so I never got to see my wife without rules.
       
      Months later we hooked with another couple. Both were our taste. We agreed on no rules except that if one guy cums the appropriate wife had to finish the other man off. We also had 3 signals: one to pick things up, one to bring things down, and one to stop altogether.
       
      It started out with foreplay and I came in less than 5 minutes. I couldn’t get hard the rest of the foreplay time because I was seeing my wife without rules. Luckily the other woman was my taste and I just kept licking her. This went on for about 3 hours. My wife and I had a lot of eye contact. The last 15 minutes of the foreplay I signaled to her that I needed assistance with getting hard and she obliged by sucking my tool. We took a break and the other man gave me a pill (Viagra). About 20 minutes later we went into round two.
       
      Round two basically started with 2 minutes of foreplay then condoms went on. I could tell my wife felt unsure of letting go so I grabbed her head and looked into her eyes and let her go. She came right then and there! This happened about a minute after we threw condoms on. We continued to fuck opposite partners. I felt myself getting into it and snapped out of it and grabbed my wife’s ankle and pulled her across the bed to lick her while I was fucking the other chick. I did this because I didn’t want her to feel forgotten about like the very first MFF.
       
      After he started to fuck my wife I got into it with the other female and basically got caught up in the moment. I pretty much did every position known to man with her. Then I took the other woman from the bed to the ottoman at the foot-end of the bed. (When I did so I broke a rule which I forgot to mention earlier that was set from the time we decided to do a foursome with her girlfriend and husband years ago. This rule was that in all foursomes all people had to stay on the same bed.) About 2 minutes after moving the other woman to the ottoman I hit me that I fucked up and I looked up at my wife who really didn’t give me any reason to stop or change what I was doing. So I kept on doing her on the ottoman. I looked again which seemed to me to be about 5 minutes and saw my wife sitting on him. We made eye contact. It hurt me and turned me on at the same time and I instantly came. When I did the other woman turned and swallowed me. I pushed her off because I didn’t want my wife to see it and upset her. My wife kept with the rules. After I came she got off the other man and put his wife on him. My wife did finally let loose but was still a little reserved because she was unsure of whether or not she was truly being let go.
       
      After we left my wife thanked me for letting her go. She told me that I fucked up by moving the chick to the ottoman but never really got mad at me. She did however get mad because I didn’t let myself enjoy being swallowed. I was in total bliss for three days afterwards and then on the 4th day I had flashes of seeing my wife alone with another man and broke down at work; literally in tears. This went on for about 2 weeks.
       
      After that couple we went back to her girlfriend and her husband two more times. One of those times we decided to do a full-swap with them for two reasons: to loosen them up and to try a full-swap for the very first time. I blew my load first and looked up at him banging my wife. I didn’t like it so I tried to put my tool in her mouth. She gave me an ugly face and pushed me away. It ended within 30 seconds after that. We talked after that and I found out she was mad at me because I never looked at her and she told me that she pushed me away because she was mad about that as well as that I came to her because she believed I couldn’t see her with another man and that’s the only reason I came to her.
       
      I told her that she was right but also wrong because I normally always came to her during the previous acts because I didn’t want to make her feel I’d forgotten about her, which was true. I never wanted to hurt her like I did the first MFF. I did admit I came to her that time out of jealousy but all the previous times I did it because I didn’t want to hurt her and also truly enjoyed doing MFM with her. I also told her I didn’t look at her because we agreed to do a full-swap and that that wasn’t a rule and I really didn’t want to see her alone with another man anyways. We both agreed afterwards that a full-swap was not for us.
       
      She later expressed to me she didn’t want to just meet and fuck people. She preferred to get to know them first. So we started to get into the lifestyle by going to clubs, and meet and greets.
      A year later we finally met up with another couple. The second date we went home with them. My wife finally got her girl-girl experience where she licked the other female for about an hour. The other chick never returned the favor. Later that night we all went to bed but the other guy drink a little too much and couldn’t get up. It lasted for about 20 minutes before he walked out. I fucked the other chick but finished when he was done without cumming.
       
      After about 3 more dates with this couple the four of us went into the bedroom again. We refer to this as the “Fatal Friday”. This is how it went:
       
      We went into the bedroom and I was the last to get on the bed. Everyone was naked and in the bed before I got my clothes off. My wife was already between the other man’s legs and looked back at me because they made it seem they wanted a full-swap. When we made eye contact we both knew that’s what they wanted. I looked at her and shook my head as if to say hell no. I thought she understood especially because she had always thrown my mistakes of breaking rules in my face over the past 10 years. Anyhow, while I licked the other woman my wife sucked him for about 30 seconds, he flipped her over and licked her for about 30 seconds, threw a condom on, and put it inside of her. I saw my wife’s face of enjoyment and it hurt. I still thought it was going to turn out as a foursome. I then felt I was behind in the game so I threw a condom on and put it in the other chick. My wife was thrown into the doggie style position and her head was right beside me so I grabbed her hair, pulled it back and kissed her. Her eyes were closed and she really didn’t kiss back. I had to do it again to get her to kiss back. The second time I pulled it very hard and got the kiss I wanted. That turned me on but also off because I knew my wife was actually enjoying it this time. I felt this was not going to be a foursome. About 10 minutes into it pushed her head into the bed, she looked at me while I was fucking the other chick and said “fuck her”. She bit my arm and the bite kind fell off me as she fell off into total bliss. I then knew I was in for a bad experience. I didn’t stop it because I had made a decision to myself that I was going to let her go before we even went into this experience. I felt very mad about her not believing I could see her with another man so I just let it happen. I figured that if I egged her on she would do the same in return out of gratitude. That never happened. In fact she never came to me throughout the whole experience and never made eye contact with me from 10 minutes on. The experience lasted about two-and-half to three hours. I couldn’t stay hard because I watched 99% of her getting pleasure. Her pleasured face and sounds destroyed me. Her eyes were closed the whole time. I even watched her take the man and seduce him. Everything looked exactly the way I would imagine it looks if I were to be a fly on the wall looking at us doing it alone together our whole marriage. I just tired to remain hard. I did see an opportunity about an hour into it where I put my stuff in her mouth and she opened her eyes in disgust (like she didn’t want it) but she then took it. This lasted about 3 minutes. I was hard again and went back to the other chick. I immediately became limp again. The chick tried her best to keep me hard but each time I put a condom on it went limp within 30 seconds to 2 minutes. I once again saw a chance to be with my wife. I went to her and fucked her. She did not come to me. She came. This lasted about two minutes and then I went back to the other chick. I ran into the same problem of going limp. About 45 minutes I stood up ready to walk out and the other guy threw his hand up and said “Come on man, it’s only been 45 minutes…relax.” I tried to do just that. Later I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed; the other chick was on the other side of my wife who was with the other man. I guess I blacked out because what woke me was him pushing my wife to me and him telling his wife to help her out. They both started to suck me off and the guy started to fuck my wife again while she was doing this about a minute later. I got hard. The other chick put a condom on me and I tried yet again but went limp immediately. I was done. We all left the room.
       
      We went outside and I was devastated. I wanted to go back in there and everything go right. I told them I wanted to try again. I felt bad for the other chick and thought my wife would help out the second time around. While were sitting there my wife looked at him then at me, called me to her with her finger and sucked me till I got hard. I didn’t want them to know I was having a jealousy issue so I turned to the other female and said “Ok, he’s ready for you.” Before I knew it, my wife and the other man were past me and heading for the bed room and the other chick took me by the hand and led me in too. All three were in the bed while I was standing. He looked at me and told me to just lay down and relax. He knew I was bothered. At the same time he was saying that my wife was between his legs with his cock in her hand and looking at me with the biggest smile ever. I laid down. My wife looked at me until the other chick started to suck me then she began to please him. She never looked at me again. The chick sat on me and I went limp again. As she was sitting on me my wife was thrown on her back between my legs where she licked my balls for about a minute then there was no more interaction with her again. Not even eye contact. I went through another condom and tried again. Meanwhile my wife was thrown into about 5 more positions which I watched while trying to perform. She never opened her eyes to make eye contact again. I remember feeling zero arousal and finally called it quits. My Greatest Fear had come true!
       
      That night when we were on our way home, I asked her how she felt it went. She said “Ahhh, I really didn’t enjoy it.” I then lost it. I felt lied to because I watched the whole thing and saw the pleasure on her face, saw her take him, etc. We went home and had our normal post sex. She was completely dry. I was totally pissed off! We fought and I broke down. I cried daily for about 3½ weeks. She was there by my side the whole time, unlike me when I broke her heart with our first MFF. Every day we talked and each day it got better. Bottom line is I found out I have a real problem seeing my wife alone with another man. I like sharing her with another man or woman but to see her have pleasure with another man kills me! How do I deal with this??? All I want to do is make her happy like she has done for me for so many years. We both enjoy 99% of this lifestyle. That’s the one thing I can’t handle. I now wished I would have let her go into it with the same rules from the start. She knows how to deal with seeing me with another woman and I feel I will always be left behind from this point on. Karma’s a bitch. What comes around goes around. I know I will get a lot of nasty comments from you all but I don’t care. I’m ready for them but please remember that I am the one that came up with the idea to seek help for us because I just want to make her happy, make up for all my mistakes, and make it work for us. We are realists and know that we will someday do this again. If you write nasty things about me, please don’t forget to give us some positive feedback because WE want to make this work for us.
       
      Yes, I was pissed off because of three things:
       
      1. She broke her rule of not doing her dream of a foursome (our golden rule) that night. Instead she did a full-swap. She says she misinterpreted my facial expression right from the start. She thought I just wanted to fuck the other chick which was never approved of by her in the past. It was always a desire to do a foursome for her. I can forgive her for this because I know from experience that desire is what made her make that decision that night and I know desire is a very strong thing.
       
      2. She said that by me pulling her hair I was egging her on and it solidified that I wanted to do a full-swap in her mind. She even remembers thinking “What else does he want me to do?” I always pulled her hair and kissed her in the past foursomes.
       
      3. She also never made eye contact with me during the act except that one time. This really made me mad because, from start to finish I went through 6 condoms and was limp almost the entire time, and she never noticed. She says she looked at me 5-7 times during the whole thing but never saw me walking across the room to get condom after condom. She admits we never made eye contact. She also admits to closing her eyes so she could enjoy it.
       
      4. She says she doesn’t remember either time the guy told me to relax. He wasn’t whispering either. The first time I was standing up beside the bed getting ready to leave with a limp one and she was moaning with her eyes closed. What really upset me was the second time she was looking right at me with a smile on her face. The guy noticed I was having issues. Why didn’t my wife.
       
      5. Most of all I was really upset because she forgot about me that night. She never made in effort to come to me. I had to watch my Greatest fear evolve right before my eyes!
      If there’s one thing my wife got out of this is the fact that I’ve always loved her! She knew that but always thought I just loved her for cooking, cleaning, etc. After 3½ weeks of me breaking down, crying daily, and not sleeping due to dreams she finally knows and understands that it truly was my greatest fear all along. She thought I just wanted to fuck other woman and thought I would be alright with it.
       
      In the end, I know from experience I am to blame for that night because I fooled myself into believing she would never let my greatest fear happen. The reason I say this is because I know once a person gets in the moment it’s very hard to snap out of it. What may seem like 20-30 minutes may really be 1-2 hours. I should have mentally prepared myself for the worst. I also know that I shouldn’t have egg’ed it on in the first 10 minutes. I should have stopped it but I just wanted to prove to her I could see her with another man and thought I would be given some attention from her as gratitude.
       
      I truly forgive my wife for that Fatal Friday. We both know we enjoy 99% of the lifestyle and will someday get back into it. We do however want to be better prepared. The most important issue to resolve is my problem of seeing my wife alone with other men. It’s not the men doing it to her but the fact that she’s enjoying singularly from another man besides myself. I know that desire is very strong and I need to mentally prepare myself to be forgotten about. She says that she will never let that happen again. I believed it the first time and believe she will try her best not to repeat it again. At the same time I’ve tried to avoid doing the same to her for so many years and never really got to enjoy the whole experience ever since the first MFF. I don’t want her to have to always worry about me and have the same problem.
       
      How do I deal with this problem of mine????????????????????????????????
       
      Please help US, not me!
       
      Note: She took part in preparing this problem. She has proof read it from beginning to end. We don’t want to be criticized unless it’s constructive criticism. We’ve already criticized each other enough. We just want to learn from it from others, forget about it, and move forward with a completely fresh start for both of us.
       
      Thanks again in advance.
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