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bfofbigf

My girlfriend is Bi/Lesbian and only wants to swing by herself.

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My girlfriend has apparently always had an interest in women. About a year after we got together and just talking, I brought up how I would be OK with her being with another woman. Initially, she was elusive about this, but I saw that she was going to a women for women chat room on Yahoo.

 

She has had two sexual encounters with two women now since we have been together. Each time, I don't feel all to comfortable about the whole thing because I feel like she is cheating on me. She tries to "explain" to me that I am not to be involved in this portion of her life. She says that without me, she would be a lesbian and not bi.

 

It's like she wants to live two lives and I am only in one of them. I have tried to explain to her that I want to be with her, but that she needs to communicate with me more. She has to work at trying to make me feel comfortable because this is something she wants to do. I tell her that I need to feel better about this whole thing also. I am just unable to figure out what she could do to make me feel comfortable. Maybe a little involvement, but not sex with other women. I don't know.

 

She says she loves me and does not want to be with any other man but me. She also feels that that is enough communication and that the rest is up to me. Although I do feel that I am responsible for my feelings, she as my g/f should also want to help me feel comfortable about her choice in lifestyle. I really do want to make this work, but I don't feel like she wants to and if she does, she is not showing it due to me feeling like I have to take it or leave it when it comes to her lifestyle choice.

 

I need help. I really want to make this work, but I feel like I am getting the short end of the emotional stick and that I have to deal with it.

 

I'm just looking for some guidance and suggestions. TIA!!

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What you are being offered is not a choice it is an ultimatum. When one partner plays and the other isn't included, it is called CHEATING, not swinging. Since she is no longer discussing the subject you should avail yourself of the nearest exit and be glad she was your girlfriend and not your wife.

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I agree. I used to know a girl who's a lot like your girlfriend. She had a long time boyfriend on the side whom she had "trained" into accepting her little dalliances with girls on the side. Eventually she ended up cheating on him with another guy.

 

Your girl is extremely selfish. Do yourself a favor and drop her.

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Not to put too fine a point on it, but if I were you, I'd dump the bitch. I've dated a number of bi women, and have never encountered the intransigence you report here.

 

Sure, when a bi female gets a yen for nooky, she (and her sex buddy) will generally not want a male around, unless some kind of MFM play arrangement is made. But they are usually not quite so tight-assed about things as this gal is.

 

Sounds to me like she's just taking you for a ride, for whatever unknown reason. More than likely she is a lesbian, rather than bisexual, so close to it as makes no real difference, in which case you are wasting your time anyway.

 

Bear

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Originally posted by fun_pairTX

What you are being offered is not a choice it is an ultimatum. When one partner plays and the other isn't included, it is called CHEATING, not swinging. Since she is no longer discussing the subject you should avail yourself of the nearest exit and be glad she was your girlfriend and not your wife.

Not only do I agree with the others, but especially agree with this and it couldn't have been said better.

 

If you have these kind of problems now....just think what it will be like further down the road. This is CHEATING, plain and simple. You are being cheated out of perhaps finding someone that you can openly communicate with in every aspect of your lives together. You aren't going to get it with this gal.

 

No matter how strong your feelings are for the gal, let them go. It may be painful for a while, but there are the old sayings of "Time heals all wounds" and "The best days are yet to come." (Sometimes we just have to wait longer for them.)

 

Best wishes,

 

The female half of OhioCouple

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No matter what she says, you are just window dressing for her family and probably her job and church. TShe is afraid to admit she is gay ("without me, she would be a lesbian and not bi") and eventually she will meet a woman who won't let her lie to herself anymore. when that happens, you will be even more hurt emotionally than you seem to be now.

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Give her a nicely wrapped box as a present.. and inside put one boot.. so when she opens the present let her know you are giving her the BOOT!

 

haha..

 

sorry.. that may have been a little over the edge.. but if you can't tell i agree with everyone on this topic too...

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What you are being offered is not a choice it is an ultimatum. When one partner plays and the other isn't included, it is called CHEATING, not swinging. Since she is no longer discussing the subject you should avail yourself of the nearest exit and be glad she was your girlfriend and not your wife

 

So true!!!!!!

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Originally posted by bfofbigf

She tries to "explain" to me that I am not to be involved in this portion of her life. She says that without me, she would be a lesbian and not bi.

 

 

 

When I was reading your post this caught my attention. Speaking as a bi female, weather I am in a relationship with a man or not I am still a bi female. I would never consider myself a lesbian just because I was not in a relationship with a man. I think here lies your/her problem. Like everyone has already said you should be moving on.

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Holy cow! ::P: I agree with everyone else on this one! Time to find a new girlfriend. This is basically cheating. Now if she says, "OK, you can watch", then maybe I'd think about hanging on to her for a little while longer ;) LOL! I'd just keep her as a friend if that were the case, and get emotionally involved with someone who is predominately hetero.

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...This is pretty amazing, but it's 100% on this thread....we all agree!

---The only thing I would add is that not only is your woman telling you how it's going to be, but you get NO compromise, and what's really awful, she is dismissing your feelings as being unimportant.

People like her don't make friends, they take hostages: you get all the drama you could desire.....and it's at the cost of your self-esteem.

---Do you really need a relationship that makes you feel like you will never be happy...or that what you have to offer is not good enough?

---Could you ever imagine telling her that you were going to do...whatever....and she just had to accept it? No? Then you are not playing on a level field, my friend.

---After all, the door swings both ways.

---I think...no, I know you can do far better. You deserve a relationship that has reciprocity.

 

---Good luck to you, and give yourself lots of time to get over this one.

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Devils advocate here, but if you have a threesome, where the husband isn't supposed to touch the other woman, what is the difference if the husband is there, or is out at a bar while you are doing it?

 

I'll be honest the issue strikes close to home as its something I'm wondering about. I consider myself bisexual, but I am rather certain I wouldn't want to go without relations with one gender for another. I'm not in a relationship right now, not sure when or if I will. And I'm not really taking sides, just trying to ponder the issue. But I'm curious what one is to do. If I'm in a relationship with one person, but have the "need" for sex with the other gender, and my partner understands and agrees with that, do they have to also be invited to play along? Is having an "open" relationship the key? Is it all in how we establish things up front?

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Hi everyone-

This is the girlfriend of the poster. I read all the responses here and I must say, ouch, you all are brutal...hehehe. First off, Id like to add to this orginal post that my boyfriend of 3 1-2 years forgot to add in here. "He" wanted me to hook up with women in the first place and he understood he was not going to be involved. He was also able to join one of my first encounters with a woman, since he and I were a couple. He was very much part of the action, he just didnt touch her, she was a lesbian. He seemed to be fine with it when I was alone with her after that. As for the next gal I was involved with, I spoke to her for over a year before actually pursuing the next step. He was fine for an entire year but when it got to the nitty gritty he changed his mind. And now that I want to pursue more women, now he isnt totally comfortable with it. He doesnt say dont do it, he says he understands and accepts it, I know he doesnt though by comments he makes. At the same time though, its an extreme turn on for him. But then again, sometimes I know it hurts him, I have a good understanding of how this might make him truely feel, and of all the confusion we are both going through right now. To him, Im extremely sorry, I cant shut off my need or want of women, I dont ever want to lose him though. I dont know what to do to make this better for both of us. Unfortunately, I'm not into the whole three sum thing, its just not my style, its a turn off to me. And it would not turn me on to see him with another woman, no how, no way. And I tried the three sum thing, I tried that for him, I didnt want to do it, but I did. Why, because I knew it was what he wanted and it would make him happy. I love my boyfriend and want to spend my life with HIM, no one else. Im not interested in any man but him, and I dont want to share my entire life with anyone but him, male or female. Why I'm explaining this I have no idea but I made it this far so I may as well continue. He and I have a great sex life.... but I crave women at the same time. And I certainly dont want to end up taking him for granted because he cuts my desires for women short. I want to keep our honest communication open. I "crave" him as well, I love him very much. If he were bi I would be ok with him sleeping with the same sex and he knows that. He also knows that if I ever get on a certain level with a girl he may be able to at least join again, even though I dont like it, and of course we would have to take that third parties feelings into consideration too. We have open communication and more of an understanding after doing research on our situation in the last few days. I for one hope we can work through this and meet in the middle, but who knows where the middle is at this point.

 

Thanks for all of your responses. I know you all think I cheat on him but I am completely honest with him and I am trying to be as open as possible and sensitive to both of our feelings and move at a speed that is comfortable for both of us, not just his speed, nor just mine. I wish I could be more like you all and swing, but I cant be, and I got to be true to myself.

 

Is there anyone that has experienced a similar situation that may have some positive advice? Ideas, besides just breaking up?

 

Maybe I should also add that we both very much want to stay together and work through this together.

 

 

Thanks for your time...

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You two have a problem. He wants to be with you. You want to be with him. You want to be with other women. You don't want him to be with other women. He doesn't want you to be with other women unless he gets to be with them too. You don't want to be involved in a threesome.

 

Do you see the problem?

 

The only solution to the problem the two of you have is time away from sex with other people so you can sort your feelings out. The way I see it, you are both threatened by other women coming into the relationship. For him, he sees you being pleasured by someone else and he thinks "thats not fair. I can't do that and I can't go to someone else." For you, its "I'm afraid he's going to leave me for someone who wants the same things he does." I don't think that the two of you have reach the point in your relationship where other people are an option. You need to work on your trust in each other as it applies to your sexual desires before you go any further.

 

Don't feel bad. MOST people in our society never gain enough trust to accept their partner having sex with others. Most never even work on building that kind of trust and understanding. We are taught that having sex is a necessary evil, not a source of enjoyment, and that is where all our guilt and jealousies come from.

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"You two have a problem. He wants to be with you. You want to be with him. You want to be with other women. You don't want him to be with other women. He doesn't want you to be with other women unless he gets to be with them too. You don't want to be involved in a threesome.

Do you see the problem?

The only solution to the problem the two of you have is time away from sex with other people so you can sort your feelings out.---I have to completely agree w/Eternally Single here.

 

Stop the Madness...by trying to 'please each other' and 'do it for him/her' you are pleasing nobody.

Perhaps describing an ideal sexual encounter (each of you, privately, in writing...no peeking till you are done) and comparing notes afterwards will show you how far apart you have become.

 

And I have to verbally smack you, girlfriend: your man came onto this forum and asked our opinions based on his perception of the situation.

What was said here didn't support you. You obviously don't like what was said here. Interesting that you should see the problem w/ the 'facts' and not the situation.

If he didn't feel he could share w/you first, it's not our fault.

What we offer here is support based upon our understanding of his experience.

 

---In other words, are you more interested in being RIGHT---or being TOGETHER?

 

One of your statements says,"But then again, sometimes I know it hurts him"

---If you insist upon pursuing an activity that you know is emotionally hurtful to your partner ---Why are you doing it?

He let you know that he is no longer comfortable w/your closeness to your female lovers. Yep, we change. Sometimes what was okay, isn't okay when we have time to reflect on our feelings.

--and before you say it isn't consistent or fair behavior for him to have a change of heart or misgivings...it goes without saying that the realm of emotion is not rational or necessarily consistent. That's why folks on this board emphasize continuous communication and trust. The process is a journey you take together. If you decide your right to pleasure is a higher priority than his feelings..... about you with another lover (male or female)---then you have a problem to work out.

 

Best of luck to you.

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Ditto to EVERYTHING that EternallySingle and NightGoddess said!

 

I can add nothing to it.

 

Good luck

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Originally posted by OhioCouple

Ditto to EVERYTHING that EternallySingle and NightGoddess said!

 

I have to add a ditto to that as well.

 

While everyone is entitled to happiness it should not be at the expense of another's happiness. You both need to step back from any outside interests and figure out what is going to make you BOTH happy, and no ultimatums by either of you. You have to find a common ground where you are both happy, if not the chances of your relationship lasting over the long term are not very good.

 

Good Luck!

 

Jesse

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Originally posted by bfofbigf

But then again, sometimes I know it hurts him, I have a good understanding of how this might make him truely feel, and of all the confusion we are both going through right now. To him, Im extremely sorry, I cant shut off my need or want of women, I dont ever want to lose him though.

 

I personally believe everyone's being way too easy on you. You say you know he's hurt, but then you say you are unwilling to do anything to compromise your own extracurricular pleasures for his sake. This is unbelievably selfish.

 

And it would not turn me on to see him with another woman, no how, no way. And I tried the three sum thing, I tried that for him, I didnt want to do it, but I did. Why, because I knew it was what he wanted and it would make him happy.

 

You aren't trying to make *him* happy. You are trying to make yourself happy while tieing him down as much as possible. Like I said earlier, I've seen this kind of behavior before and it ain't pretty. This is all about what *you* want and what *you* can force him to accept. If I pulled this crap on my girlfriend, regardless of gender, she'd leave me and rightly so.

 

He and I have a great sex life.... but I crave women at the same time. And I certainly dont want to end up taking him for granted because he cuts my desires for women short. I want to keep our honest communication open.

 

If you two have such a great sex life then you should be willing to take his feelings into account and compromise. Yet clearly you are not willing to take this step. You don't *need* to have another partner simply because you are bisexual anymore than I *need* to have other partners because I'm heterosexual. This is the kind of adventure you share with your partner, not something to beat your partner over the head with.

 

Do him a favor and set him free to find a woman who actually cares for him.

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Im going to say a few things then i will let this go on this board because honestly we thought wed get help here, not just negitivity.

 

First off, it was my idea to look for help to understand what we are both going through, yes, the horrible girlfriend. I am not this horrible uncaring person that everyone thinks I am but thats ok everyones entiled to their own opinion and feelings. We posted this thread together, I didnt just come across it and decide to add my side of the story. Are they the facts? Sure they are, theyre my facts, as his are his facts, so both of us have real feelings and a real outlook on things. We both have valid facts and feelings.

 

I am willing to work with him and he with I, but this new dialog is just starting to open with us so we need HELP. Its apparent now we came to the wrong place. Is the right place some where that will just support my "selfish" needs? NO. The right place is some where that will help both of us work towards what we are looking for. HELP in understanding and working through issues we are going to perhaps be faced with. We both know what the situation is, we just dont know how to deal with it.

 

I was going to post in a seperate thread but I thought maybe if we posted in the same thread it would get both sides and maybe a better understanding of where we are, or trying to be, and I thought that would get some direct feed back. And yes, I had hoped that it would be more positive. Info that may help both of us.

 

As I stated, he may be able to join in the future but i wont know that until a "woman" is at hand and if she feels comfortable too.

 

Yes, hes hurting AND Im hurting too. We are both hurting together. And yes people change, thus the current situation. He says he wants me to do it but at the same time its a some what unknown to how he will feel when presented with it, I dont even know how Ill feel when presented.

 

I have done things to try to make him happy and have went out of my comfort zone for it. You all are correct that neither of us should have to feel uncomfortable about anything. But at the same time, Im sure you can all agree that its better to have open communication then to lie and sneak around like most people unfortuately do.

 

Theyre are several relationships and sites we have found that are in similar situation as we are and they are happy now but their feelings were hurt at first, on both sides. This is not a one sided deal and its not going to be treated as such.

 

I do thank one poster that stated we should focus on us for a while and I do believe that to be true. Unfortunately this feeling for me will not subside so it will be faced again later, as it has been for two years now. Whether anyone on this site thinks I love him or not, I do, very very much.

 

He also chose to be with me knowing what I wanted and so it is hard to deal with when things change, because it has for BOTH of us. But because we love each other we want to work at this. Is it such a terrible thing? Will it work? We dont know, but we can hope and pray it does. And we can hope that one day we will both feel comfortable with things and meet in the middle. But as I stated before we just arent sure where that is yet, if there is one at all but we will keep looking.

 

Thanks again....

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---you, girlfriend ADMIT doing an activity that her partner finds hurtful....and get called on it by the group.

It doesn't feel good to consider you might have been selfish towards your man, does it?

Do you expect us to tell you, 'it's okay, you didn't mean it?'

Did you expect us to endorse your attitude of entitlement in spite of our collective experiences?

Nobody on this board claims to be perfect, just microscopically honest.

Your final post says that you both essentially authored the comments and request for advice. Why then did your second post contain the, 'I'll set the record straight' agenda? It doesn't change the facts.

 

[[remember, we have no vested interest in you other than the situation as presented and your request for help]]

 

---You react by labeling the group as 'negative'....as if we care!!! We are strangers w/no clue as to who you are: you're getting free counseling!

You are free to go to a professional and hear the same thing from him/her.

 

Instead of attacking the Forum, grow up......and take responsibility for creating a miserable situation.

 

Is this group negative because we are pointing out that not only do you have a problem, but you seem unwilling to consider compromise..?..

What about an honest admission of 'hey, you're right, perhaps I am being selfish...'

OR {{Oh my God}}

'We need to talk this over privately. Thank you for pointing out where the problem might be.'

OR...just a simple, 'Thank you all for your concern.'

 

---Ever heard the comment, "The best defense is a good offense?"

 

People who don't want to change defend their position and actions at the expense of relationships and everything else.

 

You two have nothing to defend!!

You both admit your situation isn't working!

You folks say you have a problem....but don't really want to know what it might be, or have anyone point out how you are behaving towards each other.

Do you know how silly this is?

 

People who want to change accept the not-so-pretty-truths when they are pointed out by others (again, you asked!!!)....they change..... and grow.......and move on.

 

--WE were mislead:

Obviously you are a couple who cannot bear to hear the truth! It's too exciting for you to fight w/each other and take on the whole board....which, incidentally, 'unites' you two again.

Nice move, but it's an old, old maneuver, and doesn't work in the long run.

 

You......bfobigf......BOTH of you........are addicted to drama!

 

Please stop wasting our time.

 

See Ya! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

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Originally posted by bfofbigf

I was going to post in a seperate thread but I thought maybe if we posted in the same thread it would get both sides and maybe a better understanding of where we are, or trying to be, and I thought that would get some direct feed back. And yes, I had hoped that it would be more positive. Info that may help both of us.

I think the feedback was about as direct as it can get. No one has let you down with that. The people that have commented here, have included a broad range. Single men and women and couples, from all age groups.

 

There is an old saying, "If people keep telling you that you have a tail, you'd better turn around and take a look. Chances are you do."

 

If I loved someone as much as you profess to love your boyfriend, then I'd give up that selfish attitude. Sex with others outside of your relationship isn't something to be taken lightly. It isn't like "He likes ketchup on his hotdog and I like mustard, so what's wrong with our relationship?".

 

Somebody said it somewhere, "Time to grow up", sex is serious business and the feelings of those you love are not to be taken lightly.

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My old white haired granny was what we call in Texas a "Plain Talker", I pretty much follow in her footsteps in that respect. When asked; "can I ask you a question?" Her normal reply was; "As long as you are sure you want to hear the truth. I don't lie or sugarcoat for anyone." I wish she had lived to see the dawn of Political Correctness, her comments would have been a riot.

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Originally posted by bfofbigf

As I stated, he may be able to join in the future but i wont know that until a "woman" is at hand and if she feels comfortable too.

 

What do you mean "may be able to join"? You always have the option of saying "no" to any situation that would hurt your boyfriend. My gf and I have veto power over each other's partners and we tend to stick to partners who are equally interested in playing with *both* of us. This way no one gets hurt.

 

I have done things to try to make him happy and have went out of my comfort zone for it. You all are correct that neither of us should have to feel uncomfortable about anything. But at the same time, Im sure you can all agree that its better to have open communication then to lie and sneak around like most people unfortuately do.

 

You have this backwards. He has already gone way out of his comfort zone to make *you* happy, yet you are so rigid about what you want that you've made it impossible to compromise. And, IMO, coercing your boyfriend into accepting your relationships with other partners isn't that much better than cheating. Open communication is useless unless you are willing to compromise.

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Originally posted by thekolonel

Open communication is useless unless you are willing to compromise. [/b]

 

three cheers, Kolonel...THIS says it all.

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I think the guy should go get some young 20 year old slim girl with a shaved tight pussy and fuck the shit out of her....alot......then do her repeatedly in the ass...then get some more girls like that...he can come home at night, well, early in the morning.....and go home to the women who is into the homosxual thing......he should just explain that fucking 20 year old girls with firm perky tits, slender thighs and small, tight buns and tight hairless pussies while they squeal, squirm and buck in the throes of orgasm from his pounding cock in them is just "a part of him"....and she should get used to it if she wants to keep him.....

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Actually, Regularguy, your suggestion made me laugh out loud! Thank you for putting the whole thing into perspective; whaddaya know....it really amounts to the same thing now, doesn't it? Good one!

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I agree with most of what has been said here on this topic...

 

But there is one thing that I think was skimmed over-- he doesn't have to let her treat him that way if he doesn't want to!

 

Yes, I think she is being selfish by demanding that he acquiesce to her demands about her seperate lesbian lifestyle- but if he doesn't like it, he should LEAVE her, not complain to everyone here that she simply won't compromise. I agree that if she loved him as much as she professes she does, she would probably do her best to accomodate his wishes. HOWEVER, I think we all know that sometimes, some relationships simply WON'T work out due to incompatibility issues. I think they have an issue with incompatibilty if I ever saw one. They might get along with each other in every other aspect of life, but if they can't decide it they are going to be monogamous or not, then they are, quite simply, never going to make it. An ENORMOUS part of a healthy relationship is your sex life. If you can't agree on it, you will never be happy.

 

I think that she is going to have to find someone that will accept her lifestyle, and he is going to have to find someone who will be with only him- or include him, at least.

 

They asked for our opinions, and I think that they got them-- in a big way. I do think that they should see a therapist who maybe specializes in sexual issues before they make any big decisions.

Just my two cents...

 

SARA

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Originally posted by MagicEnigma

Devils advocate here, but if you have a threesome, where the husband isn't supposed to touch the other woman, what is the difference if the husband is there, or is out at a bar while you are doing it?

 

My wife and I have had experiences in which the ladies have played, but the rule to the men was that the other partner's spouse wasn't going to be touched. What's wrong with that?? I personally LOVE watching my wife 69 it with another woman. I could watch that all day and be perfectly satisfied. Even if it was a threesome and not a foursome. No jealousy; I know my wife is doing it just for a sexual sake. She knows I love to watch that, and I know it gets her off. In the end, I finish her off, and it's me that she goes home with and is faithful to. She doesn't want a lesbian relationship; she is bi and prefers men. I don't think that's even remotely on the same line as if she was going out on her own to do it. Regardless, everyone is involved to some degree, and we all have one hell of a good time!

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Seems to me the ideal situation would be for you to find a bifem that you could both be with individually. I know one bifem who likes to share pleasures with M and F, but not both at once. Other than that, one or the other of you will be unfulfilled and it will gnaw at your relationship forever.

J

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Origianally posted by Regular Guy

 

I think the guy should go get some young 20 year old slim girl with a shaved tight pussy and fuck the shit out of her....alot......then do her repeatedly in the ass...then get some more girls like that...he can come home at night, well, early in the morning.....and go home to the women who is into the homosxual thing......he should just explain that fucking 20 year old girls with firm perky tits, slender thighs and small, tight buns and tight hairless pussies while they squeal, squirm and buck in the throes of orgasm from his pounding cock in them is just "a part of him"....and she should get used to it if she wants to keep him

 

This is oh so funny, but oh so true. I think though he should tell her about the young vixen's and then say "Put that in your pipe and smoke it". That would add a little more dramatic flair.

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Having read through the entire thread, I'd say that unless there is a dramatic change of viewpoint on one side or the other, I can't see there being a happy ending for this one. The positions are almost diametrically opposed, both wanting things the other is unwilling to give. Since he's already given quite a bit, and she appears unwilling to give much anything, there doesn't seem to be much future in this for anyone.

 

The relationship needs one of three things: a self-generated, radical change of attitude, professional therapy, or a clean break. Where they're at now is not a healthy place.

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Originally posted by hotcpl4unfla

My wife and I have had experiences in which the ladies have played, but the rule to the men was that the other partner's spouse wasn't going to be touched. What's wrong with that?? I personally LOVE watching my wife 69 it with another woman. I could watch that all day and be perfectly satisfied. Even if it was a threesome and not a foursome. No jealousy; I know my wife is doing it just for a sexual sake. She knows I love to watch that, and I know it gets her off. In the end, I finish her off, and it's me that she goes home with and is faithful to. She doesn't want a lesbian relationship; she is bi and prefers men. I don't think that's even remotely on the same line as if she was going out on her own to do it. Regardless, everyone is involved to some degree, and we all have one hell of a good time!

We started out playing in exactly the same way. Both Mrs B and I wanted her to have the opportunity to try out her feelings of bi-curiosity. From the outset it was to be something we shared completely. The couple we met up with wanted the same thing, and so it was agreed that the women would play together while the men watched, and then the men would join in with their own partners.

 

This arrangement worked successfully for a number of meetings, with no one feeling pressured to go any further, and everyone ending up with a sense of fulfilment. We've moved beyond our original limits now because our mutual desires have evolved.

 

But for all those couples out there who want to give their female partner a chance to explore her bisexuality, without wanting to go any further, we can second hotcpl4unfla and say that this is an arrangement that can work, and work well.

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Originally posted by bfofbigf

My girlfriend has apparently always had an interest in women. About a year after we got together and just talking, I brought up how I would be OK with her being with another woman. Initially, she was elusive about this, but I saw that she was going to a women for women chat room on Yahoo.

 

She has had two sexual encounters with two women now since we have been together. Each time, I don't feel all to comfortable about the whole thing because I feel like she is cheating on me. She tries to "explain" to me that I am not to be involved in this portion of her life. She says that without me, she would be a lesbian and not bi.

 

TIA!!

 

My sometimes hard to control, smart ass, off the cuff, response to her would be... "Well, I'm gonna "swing" with other women too. And I don't want you to be a part of it. Without you, I'd be single, and not a couple. You just have no involvment in this "part" of my life... but, jeez, I love you, why can't you understand?!?!?!?"

 

More seriously.. RUN. She sounds very manipulative, selfish, and self-centered. Get out while you can. As fast as you can. Unless you're both interested in being involved in separate polyamourous relationships (another topic completely), you have some serious soul searching to do as far as this relationship goes, and how far down you're willing to be kicked before you've had enough.

 

Just my opinion.

 

Raella

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I'm with the majority.......things need to change or get out. Swinging is suppose to be for both. Brit said it worked for them but they were TOGETHER not apart. Appears that in this case, she wants to be alone. Can't happen....and then work. We got into swinging as a couple, and that is how it appears (to me) that it should be. BOTH being fulfilled (whether both are involved or not), but being together is what is important.

 

I know we appear to be slamming you but I really think you aren't seeing the whole picture girlfriend. You can't have it both ways. If you put as much effort into being together as you do being apart, you probably would have a really good thing going. We here are no experts but we have all been into swinging one way or another, and have learned. I use this board and have found many friends in it. You can take our advice as a grain of salt..use it or lose it.

 

You can't have it both ways.......you get to decide...life with him or without him.

 

Sorry,

 

Rhonda

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