Jump to content
wildwife1010

Monogamous swinging with one man

Recommended Posts

We are going to step out of the mold and tread new and unexplored territory so to speak. We have decided to enter into a monogamous swinging relationship with a friend of ours. What we mean is that we will only play with him and he will only play with us. We hope this will help to ensure the safety of all of us and make for a enjoyable relationship.

Share this post


Link to post

That sounds a lot more like a polyamory relationship than swinging to me. It works for some people, others it doesn't, so my guess is it really depends on you and the 3rd person.

Share this post


Link to post

Ditto to good times.

 

For me, a relationship like this wouldn't work. I would be too worried about emotional attachments forming. Just make sure y'all keep good, open communication. Good Luck! :)

Share this post


Link to post

I've seen it work. One of my good friends growing up had parents who lived in a triad so it was her mom and dad and her mom's boyfriend all living together. They lived like that for years. She even had a child by the boyfriend and they all raised him. For as far as I know they will still be together and that would make about a 17 year relationship like that. They do have the emotional attachment, and that's what makes the difference between polyamory and swinging.

 

If it works it will depend on how well you all communicate and work together. I do believe it can be a positive thing that could work out. I might not be for me but I think it's a good option for those who prefer it. All you can do is try and see where it goes. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post

We have been in relationships like this with another couple. We would only swing with them and they with us. They didn't live with us and this led to threesomes and foursomes and some very interesting swapping ideas because the trust level was very high we were willing to go further then a normal swing.

 

The only attachment that happened is we became great friends and even after we stopped the sex ( the other wife decided she didn't want to be part of the lifestyle anymore) we are still close in other ways.

Share this post


Link to post

This is a definitely interesting thread. My hubby and I haven't started swinging yet, just very interested. Our original plan was for monogamous swinging with a couple that we trusted. Does this kind of thing NOT happen as the norm?

 

As total newbies, and just trying to get into the lifestyle, I'm just wondering. Does swinging mean trying new partners / couples all the time, or about developing relationships with another couple, swinging, being friends, and then staying friends if moving on to swinging with someone else? :confused:

 

Or is swinging what you want it to be? If you are looking for the great friendship with wonderful extras :D , that's what you seek. And if you are wanting to just party hardy with a different set each party you attend, you go for that???

 

Still trying to figure this out.

Share this post


Link to post

The big reason for is for friendship and trust. We have been trying very hard to find someone or a couple that fits this mold. We feel like being good friends is a essential ingredient to swinging.

Share this post


Link to post
As total newbies, and just trying to get into the lifestyle, I'm just wondering. Does swinging mean trying new partners / couples all the time, or about developing relationships with another couple, swinging, being friends, and then staying friends if moving on to swinging with someone else? :confused:

 

Or is swinging what you want it to be? If you are looking for the great friendship with wonderful extras :D , that's what you seek. And if you are wanting to just party hardy with a different set each party you attend, you go for that???

 

Still trying to figure this out.

 

Swinging for You is what You are comfortable with and what works for YOU! Nothing more and nothing less.

 

What Laura and I do does not work for many and I know for a fact that what many here do would never work for us. That does not make us wrong and them right, just means that swinging is what makes you happy and works for you. We are all different and doing what others do or say is not the way to do it.

 

Follow your heart, use common sense and enjoy your life to the fullest in your own way.

Share this post


Link to post

Frankly speaking, I think you will not succeed. It appears to me that either one or the other is having preferences that go beyond just the desire to swing. In that case, there is a relationship in the budding and eventually will cause either one or the other to have reasons for jealousy. The real value of swinging is in the detachment of feelings that can surface when familiarity breeds other intentions.

Share this post


Link to post

I am not sure I totally agree with vacplis4lovers I have swung exclusively with one couple before (I know that is not the same as a single guy) and we never worried about emotional attachments other than friendships as we loved our spouses.

 

I can't say how it would be with a single guy, but if you love and trust your spouse then who knows...swinging is like eating a peanut butter cup...everyone has their own way of doing it that works for them :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Follow your heart, use common sense and enjoy your life to the fullest in your own way.

 

Could not have said it any better than this.

 

I am sort of surprised that the poll is running neck and neck. If the people involved are comfortable with and enjoying the arrangement, I can't imagine why it wouldn't work. Monogamy period works for some couples. Certainly more sexually "wild" - a monogamous swinging relationship could work just fine.

 

I would point out that there is a difference between a poly relationship and an exclusive arrangement. Poly involves deeper feelings, where as typical swinging (even exclusive arrangements) would involve up to friendship. There is certainly a higher risk in an exclusive relationship that emotions might become involved, but that doesn't say that it is inevitable.

 

It isn't for us - we like the flirting and chasing part of life. But if that is a "set up" that you enjoy - then go for it!

Share this post


Link to post

I think it can work. Provided that everyone is on the same page and nothing is assumed. I can not control who I fall in love with, only what my actions are. I have feelings for many people, on many levels. Now that does not mean I want to have sex with every one of them, nor can/would for that matter :)

 

With my relationship with my wife it is becoming where we are basically two faces on the same coin. I can't and don't want to imagine my life without her. Swinging is a only a way to fulfill some fantasies and make friends.

 

We have already discussed a lot of things concerning swinging and high on the list is if anything is not comfortable for both of us it stops, we discuss it and move forward. Forward might mean anything from wild orgies to no more swinging. In the end it is our choice made together.

 

I think the biggest problem in swinging comes when people assume stuff or fear what might happen to their relationship if someone says no to something. I feel that any arrangement can work as long as everyone involved is open, honest, accepts, communicates and follows what they have agreed to. Not saying over time things can and won't change. I might be totally wrong but life did not come with a manual.

Share this post


Link to post

Wildwife-Yes, I really do believe it could work for you. My husband and I decided to do this with our male friend. For a number of reasons...and of course yours may be different all together.

 

We chose to do this because our schedule is very packed, and to try to "fit" in others and make it work all around we thought would be kinda stressful, also we pretty much know and trust his sexual background and by keeping it monogamous we are hoping that and other contact with STD's will be kept to a minimum.

 

However, from what I have read here, our relationship differs in the fact that we do find him to be a fairly close friend....we keep in contact regularly. And you may or may not wish to do this. I know that he enjoys both my hubby's company and mine so that's not been a problem so far. HOWEVER, I will tell you from time to time, jealousy has come up on the third person's part. This is a biggggg no no :nono: for my hubby and I as we have never ever worked on jealousy in our relationship. I discussed this with my friend, and I understand all his view points, but since I have my heart with my hubby solely...his jealousy is really unfounded.

 

Keeping open and honest communication with all will prevent things like this. And just remember if at any time it becomes to much for you, you can certainly end the friendship or give yourselves space by maybe including others in your play.

 

Best of luck! :)

Share this post


Link to post

Like we said in our first post this has worked for us and we have been successful at it. Many couples who want to get into the lifestyle want to feel comfortable having sex with someone other then their SO. We feel this gives us the ability to trust the fact that they are disease free since the only other people they are having sex with is us and their SO.

 

We have seen this work for a lot of couples looking to expand their sexual horizons for the first time who want to make the leap but are scared too for a lot of reasons. All the couples we have spoken to in the past few months have actually asked if a monogamous relationship with another couple works.

 

It also lends to more fantasies being fulfilled. Both husbands giving the wives their own 3some or swapping houses or going away on a trip together. It has created a sense that when one of us needs sex with someone else we can just call or stop by and something could happen.

 

It last two years for us with one couple. We were monogamous with them and the sex was every other weekend or so. We played together in the same room and in different rooms because the trust was there. And the 3somes were fun and would happen all the time when one of us was over the other house helping do something like install air conditioners or move a dryer.

 

I think we all get what we want out of this lifestyle. To say it won't work is unfair. There is no correct way to swing. Swinging is a method to expand your sexuality and sharing it with your SO. It is where everyone has enjoyed the sexual moment and the trust can build for even more enjoyment.

 

And we made some very good friends out of this. Which is what we wanted also.

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you couplefromma. It sounds like you have what my hubby and I are searching for. While definitely looking to expand our horizons, we've been trying to learn our way. One of these days (hopefully soon), we'll start finding couples that think like we do and find one that is a "good fit" so to speak. Who knows where our fun will take us. I am SOOOOOO glad we found this website for an open, honest place to find some answers and advice.

Share this post


Link to post

The problem I see with monogamous swinging is that it is closer to polyamory than swinging. There is a huge chance of emotions outside those typical of swinging developing, and unless this is okay with both parties, jealousy and other issues will follow.

 

I also imagine that this friend is single? So what's in it for him other than a piece of ass? Eventually he is going to want to see other women, or expect more from you to fulfill his emotional needs as well. Is it fair to him to tie him down to just you? You have your spouse, he has nobody but you, and you aren't available except for sex.

 

So in my opinion, unless your ready to go toward polyamory I'd stay away from it.

Share this post


Link to post

We've only had monogamous relationships with two other couples. Both were ongoing for years. There were no problems with the relationship and polyamory was never involved. Both friendships ended because of issues the other couple had that were not related to swinging.

 

It's interesting to me, however, that we were not too distressed, mainly because the sex had become rather "old hat." One time when we were driving home after a play date, I asked Mrs. Alura, "How was the sex this evening?"

 

"Just like 'old married folks'," she replied. I think an exclusive relationship with another couple can result in boredom like many married couples can. In this case, though, I think the boredom was more related to the other lady's desire to play in separate rooms most of the time. We won't be allowing that to happen in the future.

 

We've never played with single men and doubt we ever will, because we think emotional involvement (on the part of the playmate) in such a case might be more likely. Polyamory is not for us.

Share this post


Link to post

I think a lot of it depends on what you want to get out of swinging. some just want to live out their fantasies. Some want a close personal relationship. Some want it all the time, others don't. I would hazard a guess it all boils down to as long as everyone in the swinging group is ok with what is going on then it's ok. And if not it needs to change before blowups happen. It is not like once you agree to whatever that you are locked into a contract like a cell phone. It just take people honestly expressing what they want and desire.

Share this post


Link to post

So how's this working out for you, it's been a couple weeks and I was just curious??! Not to be nosy, but since we are doing the same kind of thing ourselves, I would love to compare notes with you.

 

I have a few questions for you....Have you encountered any other issues? Do you also go solo with this guy from time to time? And if so, does this make the feelings hot between you and your hubby later on? :facelick: When you got into this "monogamous relationship" did you also determine whether you might be giving your friend emotional support too? Or also how often you would like to see your friend for playtime and otherwise?

 

I will tell you our experiences so far, and this may help you...would LOVE to hear yours!

 

As you already know, the jealousy thing did come up with our friend, we nipped that in the bud right away....don't do the jealousy thing at all! My hubby and I did decide that every once in a while I might go solo with my friend. My hubby is very interested in hearing all my dirty details! hehe

 

As far as emotional support/attachment...I was way more comfortable giving this to my friend, and he gave the same to me. This was something I had to talk and talk with my hubby about. At first he didn't feel willing to share me in that respect with our friend...but he saw how much I really wanted that part of the relationship, and he knows very well that my emotional involvement will not affect our loving marriage that we have built together. Also to end this little novella...lol we decided for ourselves that maybe seeing our friend once or twice a month is sufficient...I would love to say more, but I have a life, a life with my hubby, my child and my very good vanilla friends and the rest of my family. It is very important to us that we still make time for those things as we do not want to lose touch with each other! :)

 

Please feel free to share with us! :)

Share this post


Link to post

We would rather the relationship be monogamous for just that reason...safety. That is our goal.

Share this post


Link to post

Our reasons have been the same, HotMoCpl. We've never played with more than one couple at a time. We would be amenable to adding a third couple in such a scenario, but have never found one. As long as the six didn't play outside the group, the safety would be just as secure.

Share this post


Link to post
I also imagine that this friend is single? So what's in it for him other than a piece of ass? Eventually he is going to want to see other women, or expect more from you to fulfill his emotional needs as well.

An excellent point! And when he does become involved with those other women, how do you expect him to explain to them the role you and your husband play in his sex life? Sooner or later he's going to have to lie to somebody...and you're assuming it will be them.

 

"Monogamous swinging relationship" is an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

 

You're asking this guy to devote 100% of his sex life to you, in exchange for about 5% of yours. It might work for a month or so, until he gets bored or lonely. Then he's gonna realize he's the one getting the short end in all this, and move on.

Share this post


Link to post

As a polyamorous married couple I say it can work! It's working quite well for us! Our partners are single so the success isn't based on it being only because we're with another couple. It does take work, understanding and a whole lot of communication to make it successful. ;)

Share this post


Link to post

Nope, the Monogamous Swinging course of action wouldn't work for us. We met a very nice couple once that wanted to form an exclusive relationship for various reasons. We had to decline. We have too many close couples we enjoy having sex with to limit it to just one.

Share this post


Link to post

Would it work for you? Sure, if you follow VegasLee's wise words.

 

Follow your heart, use common sense and enjoy your life to the fullest in your own way.

 

For us, though, Mr. Spoo said it best. We enjoy the flirting, the thrill of the chase, new adventures. Why limit ourselves to one other couple? And, wouldn't there be the risk of bruised egos and unmet expectations? I mean, if you even danced or flirted with another couple at a club would there be hurt feelings or drama? Don't need that. Life is complex enough.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...