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ohash01

Age differences among swing playmates

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As J. approaches the big 3-0, I am considering upping our "preferred age range" in our profiles. Right now, it's set at 35 being the upper guideline. But once, he's 30, would a 40 year old woman seem that much older? Let's say he wants to be with an "older woman", and we find a great couple or single who have the same desires we have..

 

So here are my questions: Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."? Does age really matter as much as emotional maturity? What if - said 23 year old - could easily pass for 28 or so? What qualities do you need to see in a person to consider swinging out of your preferred age range?

 

This is by no means a serious issue, but I'm interested in your ideas and opinions. I know there have been posts that lean towards age-arguments before, and I'm not looking for another one of those. I'm just looking for opinions.

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Well for me, I don't really look at the ages of folks anymore. I really look to see if there is any kind of an attraction physically and then socially. If I can get along great with the other couple and they are attractive to me, then what difference does it make if they are in their 20s or in their 50s or 60s?

 

MrsVan does have a very loose age limit at around 40ish. Now that isn't a firm limit as she is very similar to myself, in the fact that she places a higher priority on if she is attracted to the couple and if she can get along with them.

 

I think age ranges are ok so that you can have a rough idea of what you are looking for, but I would say, don't limit yourself just on their ages.

 

And yes I can say for sure that most middle aged folks would look at a 23 year old lady and be attracted. Especially if she were much more mature than the normal 23 year olds. ;)

 

-Van

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I am not big on age because I think it all has to do with attitude. Mrs Spoo, for example, is 50, but people often mistake her for being younger than me (I am 37). I think that is because she takes care of herself (and is pretty lucky).

 

A lot of women that I work with that are her age look OLD. But they also look like they have sort of given up...

 

I am attracted to people who take care of themselves. I look for the same thing whether a person is younger or older.

 

As for younger women - I have been with 23 year olds - and the difference is always maturity. They were fairly mature and could hold a conversation. But - lots of folks under 30 don't strike me as being very "together" mentally or emotionally...

 

On both ends of the spectrum - there are exceptions to the rule.

 

Spoomonkey

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folks under 30 don't strike me as being very "together" mentally or emotionally...

Spoomonkey

 

Hey now Spoo! I'll take your banana away!

 

Just kidding. I totally agree with the previous posters, even if I am one of the young-uns at 29.

 

Mr. Truelove

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Hey now Spoo! I'll take your banana away!

 

Just kidding. I totally agree with the previous posters, even if I am one of the young-uns at 29.

 

Mr. Truelove

There are always exceptions to the rule. I guess you are rare indeed. ;)

 

Vol

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I am not big on age because I think it all has to do with attitude. Mrs Spoo, for example, is 50, but people often mistake her for being younger than me (I am 37). I think that is because she takes care of herself (and is pretty lucky).

 

A lot of women that I work with that are her age look OLD. But they also look like they have sort of given up...

 

I am attracted to people who take care of themselves. I look for the same thing whether a person is younger or older.

 

As for younger women - I have been with 23 year olds - and the difference is always maturity. They were fairly mature and could hold a conversation. But - lots of folks under 30 don't strike me as being very "together" mentally or emotionally...

 

On both ends of the spectrum - there are exceptions to the rule.

 

Spoomonkey

 

I just checked out your profile...WOW!! You weren't kidding. 50??? AMazing!!!

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We just go by who we are attracted to and age has nothing to do with it. I've had 23-year old women attracted to me (I'm 41) and I've been attracted to 55-year old women. I sometimes wonder what a 23-year old woman would see in me, and I'm sure the 55-year old woman wonders what I see in her.

 

We do get quite the age range attracted to us as a couple though, because Mrs. WS is 31. So the late 20-somethings can relate to her and the 40-somethings can relate to me. I think it gives us a broader range of possible playmates. :rolleyes:

 

I can't explain it though... where there is chemistry there is chemistry. It's as easy as that.

 

Mr. WS

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Hi ohash, good questions.

 

But once, he's 30, would a 40 year old woman seem that much older?

 

It depends entirely on the woman. 10 years isn't that great an age difference, especially when the older one is taking great care of her/himself and has a kind of energy and youthfulness about them, which comes naturally to them. Know what I mean?

 

As an example...I'm 47, but you'd never think it. I'm always mistaken for early-mid 30's (and not just among swingers). 20-something guys hit on me in the gym and vanilla clubs. My husband, age 46, was asked by a woman at a swing party a few months ago what his age was. She was 34...the reason she asked, she said, was to check to make sure he wasn't too young. LOL! I'm really not kidding. Some people just don't look their age and tend to have an energy level that isn't typical of most in their age range. Also, style has a lot to do with it. People who stay contemporary, and have the shape to carry off fashionable clothes, look younger. Check out the 40+ crowd in Hollywood (keeping fit, their style), and you know what I mean.

 

Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."?

 

Not "ick", I'm sure they'd find the 23-year-old attractive. But, there are generally two main things that might hold them back:

1. Lack of things in common/life experience, wanting to have something to talk about, things that they can connect with. Socially, everybody wants to feel that kind of connection to hit it off. It gets more difficult with generational age differences.

2. Feeling weird about being with someone the age (or close to the age) of their own children.

 

As for whether "most" middle-aged people feel this way, and to what degree - I don't know, but it may be 50/50 or more.

 

Does age really matter as much as emotional maturity?

 

Emotional maturity is great, but there may be big cultural/generational differences, and that's based on years and life experiences. We might be talking about things you've never heard of (or maybe you only heard it in history class ;) , and there may be more awkwardness than connection. You don't want to feel like a little kid, and I don't want to feel like a dinosaur talking to you. Slightly exaggerated, but kwim? Uncomfortable, especially to feel that way with a potential sex partner.

 

Also, my daughter and stepkids may be emotionally mature, but I still would not feel comfortable having sex with someone that is their own age. You would remind me of them, inevitably....and I'd feel creepy.

 

What if - said 23 year old - could easily pass for 28 or so?

 

I think there's a huge difference between meeting people face-to-face initially (like in a club) vs. meeting through profiles. I doubt you'd even click on our profile when you saw the age, and we wouldn't click on yours. But, if we met in a club and without knowing ages, you appeared to be a 28-34 age range couple, we appeared to you to be a early/mid-30's couple, and if we all were attracted to each other, had a personality connection and a good, sexy vibe, it could happen. I think that there's a lot more scrutiny in the details when meeting through profiles.

 

What qualities do you need to see in a person to consider swinging out of your preferred age range?

 

The same qualities we look for in anybody, regardless of age: physical attraction, mental/personality connection, and above all, a good comfort level. I can't get nekkid and get funky with anybody that I'm not really comfortable being with that way. It's just something I know instinctively after spending time with them.

 

If I felt the age difference, we could have a good time talking and dancing perhaps, but it wouldn't be comfortable enough for sexual contact.

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Also, my daughter and stepkids may be emotionally mature, but I still would not feel comfortable having sex with someone that is their own age. You would remind me of them, inevitably....and I'd feel creepy.

 

 

I think there's a huge difference between meeting people face-to-face initially (like in a club) vs. meeting through profiles. I doubt you'd even click on our profile when you saw the age, and we wouldn't click on yours. But, if we met in a club and without knowing ages, you appeared to be a 28-34 age range couple, we appeared to you to be a early/mid-30's couple, and if we all were attracted to each other, had a personality connection and a good, sexy vibe, it could happen. I think that there's a lot more scrutiny in the details when meeting through profiles.

 

 

QUOTE]

 

Tybee, I thought so too until we actually met a couple at a club in their early 30's. They were mature, we had a great time shooting pool and dancing....and then ended up 'playing' later that evening!

 

The female was 30, but I did not see her as that age. My daughter is 33, and I had always thought I couldn't 'play' with someone in her age group. The male, although he wasn't attractive to me at first (no I would never have chosen their profile!) my opinion changed as I got to know his personality. My husband agreed that he too had reservations at first; after all, would that be like 'doing' your daughter?

 

So.....you never know how things will end up. Don't discount someone for their age and/or looks, you MAY enjoy their company....and things could transition into something else!

 

Ms NCCuriouscpl

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I was reading this thread and started thinking of the age ranges of people that I have met in this lifestyle. I had a guy that was barely 21 contact me, ok that was ewwwwwww. But, generally age doesn't matter a whole lot, it is the physical attraction and personality, which includes maturity. I am 51, hubby is 41, and the crowd that we hang with are in their 30's. I am very active, teach dance and am a drummer, so I stay current with music and style. I pass for being younger. For us, it comes down to compatability. So don't blow off us old folks yet :lol:

 

Blessings

Mrs PL

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I'm the old guy in our setup but not by much (41)

 

Age is in the eye of the beholder. I am mistaken for being in my early 30's simply because i stay in shape and eat healthy. If i just could get away from the beer i'd probably be healthier! Nah! :)

 

Age is all inside. My wife is 39 and hotter today than she was 10 years ago. :)

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After reading this, I think in a way I have a silly way of seeing this. When hubby and I are looking at profiles of other couples and see anybody who is 23 or younger I don't want anything to do with them. I am with Spoo on this one, a lot of them are not emotionally and mentally mature and I don't want to be involved in any potential drama with such a young person. I know at that age I was doing things to experiment and did a lot of things that were so wrong, I don't want to be a part of that in a young person. I'd rather hook up with a couple or playmate who knows that what they are doing is what they like and want to do.

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So here are my questions: Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."?

 

Can only speak for one of us. When I was in my early 20s, I was so impulsive and possessed by the green-eyed monster that I would have bopped any guy that even tried to strike up a casual conversation with my wife. So I tend to ascribe this same feeling on young people and think, “Better not -- that young woman is cute but if I try to get close to her I might have to face her young husband.”

 

J and I went to a private party last Saturday evening. The party was mostly attended by a bunch of us over-fifty people. But there were one young couple who had been invited – late 20s or early thirties was my guess. Well, one of the 50s babes got out her blood-sugar testing kit and the next thing you know, everybody was laughing and giggling and wanting to test themselves and compare their blood sugar levels. This spectacle scared the hell out of that young couple. The young woman pretended to get a world-class cramp and made that her excuse to leave the party. I believe I would have done the same.

 

M

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When Gator and I first started looking for a man for our threesome (and our only choice is ads) we found what appeared to be the perfect one. Only...he was 7-8 years younger than me. I'll admit that I was bothered by this. Enough to almost not meet with him. I would have made a huge mistake. Before dinner was over it had already become a non-issue. And by the next morning I couldn't remember why I had ever been bothered by the age difference. facelick I've been with men from his age to one that is 13 or 14 years older than me. The only age problem I think I have now is someone my children's age. I don't think I would be able to get that out of my head. I'd probably start comparing their maturity levels in my head or something. :lol:

 

Vol

 

P.S. There is no way anyone who ever guess Mrs. Spoo's age. WOW.

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I think it's the "things in common/life experience" Tybee spoke of, but I feel much more comfortable with people close to my own age.

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I gotta jump in on this one.

 

I have ALWAYS found older women much more appealing. I guess because my first sexual experience at age 18 was with a 34 year old woman. While the younger girls are pretty to look at, they are hard to play with. Women in their thirties and fourties know exactly what they want, and are not shy about telling you. We are both in our early thirties, and my wife just keeps looking better and better. As a rule, we do not discriminate whatsoever with age. In fact, most of the couples we've played with have been between 5 and 10 years older than us. Fine by me!

 

Give me a woman whose had years to perfect her talents. Give me a woman who will grab you by the back of your head and say "Fuck me!" You can have your little barbie dolls. My wife and I will take the real women anyday!!! ;)

 

On a more serious note, I do agree that younger people do not usually have the emotional maturity to handle this lifestyle. Even though I'm pretty young by everyones standards (33), I know that as little as 5 years ago, I couldn't have done this. Neither could the Mrs. who is 31. It's amazing how much can change in such a short time. Even though neither of us are far removed from our twenties, neither of us would want to play with a couple in their twenties. Too much risk of drama.

 

We have played with couples in their fifties, and even though they were old enough to be our parents, we never thought of it that way, and we have always really enjoyed it. We've learned far more from the more experienced folks. We have never been snubbed by an older couple and have always felt super-comfortable. Maturity and experience are very, very sexy.

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J and I went to a private party last Saturday evening. The party was mostly attended by a bunch of us over-fifty people. But there were one young couple who had been invited – late 20s or early thirties was my guess. Well, one of the 50s babes got out her blood-sugar testing kit and the next thing you know, everybody was laughing and giggling and wanting to test themselves and compare their blood sugar levels. This spectacle scared the hell out of that young couple. The young woman pretended to get a world-class cramp and made that her excuse to leave the party. I believe I would have done the same.

 

M

Ummm, I'm 50 (almost 50 and a half [gasp!]) and I think I would have followed that young'un out the door, if I hadn't preceded her by at least several seconds.

 

Blood-sugar-testing at a swing party? It's entirely my opinion, but for ANY age that's just weird if one hopes to attract others sexually.

 

To each their own though...

 

Thrax

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:iagree: with Thrax. I'm 50 too - and I can't imagine doing the blood sugar testing while at a party - I've never blood sugar tested before ANYWHERE. What is the excitement in that?? Weird - but to each their own!

 

Sarah

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Thrax said:
Blood-sugar-testing at a swing party?

 

Yup...

 

Weird...

 

But not everyone 50 and older is Wilfred Brimley ;)

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We are both in our 30's. I have found that physical attraction means more then age. I have seen some really hot older men and older women and then I've seen cpls who are younger and just not attractive. We tend to look at pix first then profiles. Of course we've found cpls who were pysically attractive and mentally not stimulating...thats the biggest turn on once we've found a cpl we're interested in. If you can give us good "head"...the brain has to be stimulated :) Don't limit yourself...there are a lot of "older"couples who can be a LOT of fun as well as a learning experience.

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Blood-sugar-testing at a swing party? It's entirely my opinion, but for ANY age that's just weird if one hopes to attract others sexually.

 

Blood sugar was not, of course, tested to attract others. It was just one of things that simply happens. I am beginning to wonder what might happen when we Boomers are having our Octogenarian Swingers' Parties. Someone, I could imagine, being arrested for assault with a dead weapon.

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Age is a wierd thing. The older you get the more confusing it gets (it seems so easy when you're young).

 

A year ago, the "kids" dragged us off to a disco (showing my age calling it a disco - lol). Su's eldest son walked in with his wife. Su's younger son walked in with his girlfriend. I walked in. Su got stopped and was asked to produce her ID to show she was over 21. She was furious (the doorman wished he'd never been born!) until I pointed out what a compliment that was.

 

The year previous, a 23 year old gorgeous barmaid at our local asked Su (as the bar was closing) if she wanted to go out to a nightclub with the bargirls. Su replied yes. Good, said the barmaid. You go to the nightclub with the girls and I'll take Bud home with me.

 

She meant it, too.

 

This barmaid was out of my league when I was 23!!!!

 

Maybe we swingers are more young at heart? Maybe that shows, somehow? I don't know. I do know it seems to get EASIER not harder, the older we get.

 

Funnily, rather than pursuing young 'uns. We are so much more at ease with those around our own age when it comes to seeking playmates.

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No, I don't say "ew"... I look at the profile or the email they have written, or talk to the couple if we're at a party, and see if I think they are emotionally mature as people and as a couple. Being able to talk to people is very important.

 

I'm 40, and was very surprised last year at 39 when a 23-year-old buff military guy (and his very sexy fiancee) were interested in me and my husband. Even more surprised when a couple of good-looking 21-year-olds wrote to us. They were very focused people, had a plan for their lives, and knew what they wanted -- which was to swing with people our age. They felt more comfortable with us than with people their age, and after meeting them (the same week I turned 40) we saw that they were mature way beyond their years. I didn't like turning 40, but consoled myself with the compliment their interest represented.

 

I also play with someone who's 51, but man he has stamina.

 

I don't think I could pass for much younger than my age. (Have you ever heard anyone (over 20 or 23) say how much older than their age they pass for?) I get the occasional comment about looking younger, but they are probably just being nice.

 

I just think that some people don't care if you have a large age difference, and some people do care. I wouldn't get insulted or try to change their minds.

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First of all...Tybee and Spoo...wow. I would have never taken you or the spouses for the ages you are quoting. You guys look great. :kissface:

 

 

For me personally, I've pretty much always been attracted to those older than myself. First serious BF was 5 yrs older and current BF is 14 yrs older. I'm 28 and he's 42.

 

Our profile has an age range of 25-50. Depending on the person, that can be flexible. Personally I don't want to play with anyone younger than myself. Jeff is probably less picky about age and would be ok as long as they are over that age of consent. *lmao* ;) jk

 

If someone responds to our profile that is outside of the age range, would I be rude enough not to respond or tell them "Sorry, your're 51! No can do"? No I wouldn't. But then again, I read profiles first and look at the pictures 2nd, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask? If the profile doesn't catch my attention for the 2 minutes it will take me to read it, then I'll move on. I also have an issue with only showing pictures of the female half of the couple as well. But that is a rant for another thread. :hahaha:

 

Anyway, HTH answer the OP.

 

Maria :kissface:

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Hi Maria, thanks for the compliment! :)

 

I also have an issue with only showing pictures of the female half of the couple as well.

 

:iagree: It seems like a huge percentage of profiles only have the woman - maybe even 20 pictures of just her. If those couples write us, I ask right off for a picture of the husband, too. If they won't share it, that's it. It's unfair to use the wife as "bait" to get couples, and not share at all what the husband looks like.

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sexcupid said:
First of all...Tybee and Spoo...wow. I would have never taken you or the spouses for the ages you are quoting. You guys look great. :kissface:

 

Just to clarify, I am only 37. I'm what they call in the business a "boy toy". :D

 

But - once again at the club last night a couple that was my age thought Mrs Spoo was younger than me. It is kind of funny that one of our favorite games with people is "guess her age". Me - they get pretty close all the time; with her they miss it by at least a decade.

 

But - if we fall outside of someone's stated ages on their profile - we don't contact them. We don't want to be one of those couples that assume that we'll be an exception to a couple's rules. That is also why the club works better for us than the internet. Face to face with Mrs Spoo and 50 never enters your mind ;)

 

PS - I completely agree with you on Tybee... I am not shocked, since I have a wife with the same "anti-aging" disease. But she doesn't look close to her stated age (I'm not calling you a liar, T ;) )

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PS - I completely agree with you on Tybee... I am not shocked, since I have a wife with the same "anti-aging" disease. But she doesn't look close to her stated age (I'm not calling you a liar, T ;) )

 

Awww, thanks Spoo! I kind of get a kick out of seeing the funny looks on people's faces when I tell them I have a daughter in college. A couple of years ago, my daughter and I were in the waiting room at the dentist for both of our appointments. Hygenist came out with our two charts in her hand. She looked at the two of us in the lobby, looked back at her papers, glanced back and forth at us and asked, "Where is your mother?" :lol: Oh, and this one is rich: we're going to be grandparents in the spring (Mr. Tybee's son is the expectant parent). My 20-something co-workers say, "That baby's going to have one hip granny!" ;)

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I don't think I could pass for much younger than my age. (Have you ever heard anyone (over 20 or 23) say how much older than their age they pass for?) I get the occasional comment about looking younger, but they are probably just being nice.

 

After reading that I perved your profile to see if what you said was true. I can't tell without seeing your face, but I must say. You've got a "kickin" body. facelick I wouldn't doubt you passing for younger.

 

 

That being said I've seen Mrs. Spoomonkey before(very young looking). I saw a picture of Tybee around one time (very young looking) and it just seems that everytime I meet someone in the lifestyle they seem so much younger than they claim!

 

"New research finds that a varied sexlife can reduce the effects of aging!" :lol:

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"New research finds that a varied sexlife can reduce the effects of aging!"

I certainly hope you know what you are talking about. It is a nice thought anyway. ;)

 

Vol

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gatorvol64 said:
I certainly hope you know what you are talking about. It is a nice thought anyway. ;)

 

Vol

 

90% of statistics are totally made up anyway...

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There's no explaining how the attraction thing works. The wife and I are what I'd consider average at best in every way shape and form.

 

And we've connected nicely with some 20 year olds as well as upper 50 year olds. And then again, we've encountered some people where either they (or us) said, "Huh unh. No way. Ain't happening." (Not quite that crassly, of course, but everyone knew the score almost right away).

 

Were these bad or ugly people? Of course not. And it wasn't an age thing. Whatever the cosmic, pre-sex mental, spiritual, physical connections were that needed to happen, just didn't happen.

 

It's just an "is" or "isn't" situation. No good guys, no bad guys, just the way the cookie crumbles.

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After reading that I perved your profile to see if what you said was true. I can't tell without seeing your face, but I must say. You've got a "kickin" body. facelick I wouldn't doubt you passing for younger.

 

 

That being said I've seen Mrs. Spoomonkey before(very young looking). I saw a picture of Tybee around one time (very young looking) and it just seems that everytime I meet someone in the lifestyle they seem so much younger than they claim!

 

"New research finds that a varied sexlife can reduce the effects of aging!" :lol:

 

Thanks for perving!

 

I worked hard last year to acheive that body. Due to circumstances I did only walking for several months -- no weights or real workouts-- and have a few additional pounds to lose and a little muscle to regain. But I expect to get back there within a couple of months.

 

And I guess I wasn't completely honest in my last post to this thread... I noticed after writing that post that when I see a profile of someone in their young 20's, I am a little more skeptical of them. But that doesn't stop me from looking at what the profile actually says (and their email, if they've written) and judging on that basis.

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I worked hard last year to acheive that body. Due to circumstances I did only walking for several months -- no weights or real workouts-- and have a few additional pounds to lose and a little muscle to regain. But I expect to get back there within a couple of months.

 

A few more pounds! I must Dito Mr. Truelove on the profile. Why can't more folks in this lifestyle understand that couples want to see pics of couples...not just the wife? :lol:

 

Hmmm.....Virginia...well it's only 11 hours away...that's an easy drive for dinner. :D

 

-Van

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In my personal dating life I look for the same qualitys in a man/woman as in my swinging life - maturity. I like to be with couples who are older (early to late 40's) because they tend to be more mature and have less drama. They also know how to treat a woman. Not saying that younger couples or women don't, but in my experience when going to lifestyle events, the older couples are much more inviting and friendly. Although the younger men are checking me out their women tend to snub their noses. Who needs the drama?

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