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Good morning all, we are trying to figure out how to move forward with choosing couples. I (female half) am extremely picky and so our major issue is finding couples we both agree on. Is this a common problem and if so how do you move past it?

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First, maybe we could get a little more information from you. Are you talking about after you meet a couple or are you talking about picking a couple from their pictures in a profile on a web site?

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We go to lifestyle clubs, meet & greets, and local events to meet people. We also look online so I would say I rule out in both situations. We have been in the ls for several years before we met and have had a few but not a lot of mixed experiences between the two of us. We have yet to explore playing with a couple together, but have had fun with mmf, group soft play, and girl/girl fun. Family and job make it difficult to get out more than what we do. I think with the mmf selections may have spoiled me to prefer younger guys. Generally in our area the couples are older and the men are typically around 50ish. I find it difficult to find many that I am attracted to.

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:ditto:

 

We used pictures to eliminate couples from contention but only if there was no chance we would be interested (multi-colored hair, gaudy tattoos, facial piercings, goth lifestyle, etc). If we thought 'eh, they're okay' then we would arrange a first meeting with them. We have found that the 'connection' comes from their personalities, not their looks. The worst thing that can come from a first meeting of another couple is either a bad steak or a funny 'train wreck' story...the best thing that can happen is...really fun!

 

We have also found that some of the hottest pictures have led to some of the most self centered and/or boring couples. Don't go just based on photos alone unless you are looking for one night only. Swingers are like a box of chocolates...you usually can't tell whats inside just from looking at one.

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You cannot do better than to participate in club parties and meet-n-greet events. Choosy couples simply need to persist a little longer that not-choosy people. But after you find a good couple, the reward will justify the effort.

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hmm I have to say that (at least consider the possibility) you are using the picky as an excuse to avoid actually doing things.

Are you sure you really want to be doing this?

 

YEs OF COURSE there has to be attraction, but lets face it, the fantasy you concoct in your head about how swinging will go and the marvelous couple who will telepathically know exactly what you want and hot to touch you and pleasure you WILL NOT HAPPEN.

 

So you have to except the reality of real life, real couples and situations. Within that you have to learn that what you accept or expect must be more flexible.

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Since starting in 1972, we would be dishonest in saying that either one of us has never taken one for the team to make certain she or he had a good time at a particular point in time. However, we can be honest and say we did make it up to each other and steered way from repeating under the same circumstances.

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Early in our exploration of this hobby, we both, at one time or another, took one for the team. We found afterwards that we felt really bad for our spouse and so we rehashed the entire run up to the play time to try to learn what we had missed or perhaps done wrong. In doing so, we were able to then pick up some small red flags we hadn't noticed in profiles, emails and conversation. It helped us to seriously refine our selection process to the point that the situation has not presented itself in a number of years. Plus we decided that neither of us would ever again take one for the team. Now, we recognize that meeting a couple is not an obligation to boink them and if we don't have a connection, we politely walk away. This is a fun hobby after all and the most important relationship here is ours.

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I've had two different stages where I was involved in swinging. The first time was with a girlfriend I had at the time, the second with my wife. During the first pass, so to speak, "taking one for the team" was never an issue, as we went directly into the swingers' party group scene. In that scenario there is generally no "swapping" per se. She picked who she wanted to play with and so did I, and all was well.

 

On the second pass, it was different. My wife initially wanted to go a different route, in that we would meet up with individual couples and see how things went. And the fact is we went through a LOT of couples where yes, the guy was hot for my wife, but his wife had no interest in me. This was not entirely unexpected, as Dash Riprock, studmuffin I'm not. But even then I would not have wanted anyone to "take one for the team" with me, as I would have found such to be demeaning.

 

But we kept plugging and eventually we found not just one but a group of couples where everyone "clicked" with everyone else, and ended up with our own little swingers party group, and had a blast as a result. Just took a bit of patience...:)

 

Cave Bear

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Sometimes Barbie is with Ken, but other times, she chose Dennis the Menace or whomever. As couples, we are not always obviously well matched, why do we expect that other couples will be. There have been times when I have “taken one for the team” but OMG, was the guy great in bed. Other times when I got Ken, and he was done before my hubby and his Barbie were just moving from appetizers to the main course. You can tell a book by its cover, and the reason you’re out there is doing it is some sense of adventure you get from it all.

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Sometimes Barbie is with Ken, but other times, she chose Dennis the Menace or whomever. As couples, we are not always obviously well matched, why do we expect that other couples will be. There have been times when I have “taken one for the team” but OMG, was the guy great in bed. Other times when I got Ken, and he was done before my hubby and his Barbie were just moving from appetizers to the main course. You can tell a book by its cover, and the reason you’re out there is doing it is some sense of adventure you get from it all.

 

I had to laugh out loud at the Barbie and Ken reference here, as it reminded me of a party Bunny and I attended some years ago. There was this guy named Ali, who was, according to at least some of the ladies, good looking and quite good in the sack. Naturally Bunny wanted to try him out. And at this particular party she did. I happened to walk past one of the play rooms, and there is Ali, on top of Bunny, her legs in the air, and all seemed to be going well.

 

Not two minutes later I turn around and there's Bunny, standing behind me. "What are you doing here? I thought you were playing with Ali" I asked.

 

"I was" she replied. "He's already done. It was bang, bang, bang, BOOM, and he's done and off of me". Oh Bunny was not a happy camper that night, as she had become accustomed to most of the guys she played with being, shall we say, a bit more solicitous of her pleasure as well as their own.

 

Just goes to show that some people, even the "Kens", can turn out to be flops.

 

Cave Bear

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It's hard to find a couple that you BOTH agree on. You like the male, he doesn't like the female etc. ...

 

One of you might be tempted to "take one for the team" to make the other happy the longer that situation goes on.

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Not being a couple who goes to clubs, I think the way to go is if you finally do meat a couple you can both agree on, you can use them as an introducer to other couples. If you are open with them you can tell them what you feel and the types you are looking for. Of course this only works if they have been doing this before you met them. Then again you might be more picky than the other couple.

It is funny about taking one for the team. I think I am more apt to take one than the Mrs.

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Not being a couple who goes to clubs, I think the way to go is if you finally do meat a couple you can both agree on, you can use them as an introducer to other couples. If you are open with them you can tell them what you feel and the types you are looking for. Of course this only works if they have been doing this before you met them. Then again you might be more picky than the other couple.

It is funny about taking one for the team. I think I am more apt to take one than the Mrs.

 

This is pretty much how it went for Bunny and I. We started out seeking individual couples to play with, rather than joining a party group (that came later). And as I indicated before, it was rather difficult at first. We met quite a few couples the first few months and kept striking out. Either the female half of the couple would not find me acceptable, or Bunny would not find the male half of the couple acceptable. And we did have an ironclad rule that neither of us would "take one for the team". And it never happened.

 

It took a while, but we eventually did meet a couple where everyone "clicked" with everyone else, than another and another. And a good time was eventually had by all...:)

 

Cave Bear

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