When one person doesn't play; it's so awkward how do you handle that?

There is a couple who frequents the swing club we go to regularly. They are a good looking couple and attract a fair amount of attention. The last few times we were in the back room, they were close by. She will pretty much play with anyone but I noticed that he does not play at all. Last night we were relaxing after we played and they were in my line of vision so I couldn't help but watch. Another couple was with them and she was busy playing with the man. Her husband made no attempt to play with the other woman but instead, was stretching over her to watch his wife play with the other man. The other woman was just touching him and trying to engage him but he had no interest at all. As I mentioned, this is not the first time I have seen him do this.

My question is, what would you do in this situation if you were the woman who was being overlooked?

My husband said he would switch back and we would move on. Guys? Girls?

Frankly this is more common than you think. It has happened to us a few times!!! I know right?? Who would have thought.

What we/I do is make sure my wife is not totally 'ignored'. We make it a three way, two on four way, err whatever. My wife is comfortable with a bit of bi action and she knows she will get reciprocal treatment on another night ( OK fine she gets a lot more reciprocal treatment, who am I kidding).

At first I was very concerned with the 'other guy' not participating. Now I am in a totally different zone. If he can't/won't/doesn't want to perform and just wants a show. Great happy to give it to him. The same is true for the other woman. We have had times where they just want to lay back watch and masturbate.

We just use the 'scene' to spring board our desire for each other.

I will confirm for you though, not an uncommon scenario.

If you only play together as a couple why would you get into that situation at all? There are more than a few times that I've seen men that aren't interested in playing. I suspect that the people playing with them probably knew beforehand that he didn't play or they didn't care. We don't go to clubs but with house or hotel parties we've never played as a couple and each of us finds our own entertainment so it's never a problem.

The one couple we were with so far the other guy was participating, but not really. He kept his boxerbriefs on the whole time just pulling his dick out to do his wife and mine for a bit. He did not even want a BJ from my wife, even after commenting on her skills after watching her blow me. He loved to eat pussy though, so at least he was participating in his on way. We are going to meet up with them again, despite my wife's lack of satisfaction, however this time, if he does not give enough attention to my wife, I will not be giving as much to his. I feel it will end up in more of a soft swap situation this way, but that's ok. My wife did enjoy his talents, but said she really wanted to get fucked more that night, so I will take care of that better this time.

On the other hand, when browsing profiles, we saw a few that clearly state the man will not play with my wife, at all. We skip over these. She wants to get fucked and and want to watch, so if the man is not going to play at all, well, they are not offering what we want.

It is apparently very common so, as always, before playing with a couple you should discuss what you all want out of it and if it's not gonna be there for you, just move on.

I know the couple they played with and I am positive they did not know ahead of time as they always switch. She is pretty quiet and goes with the flow so I was not surprised she just put up with it. I know her husband would not have wanted her to be a 3rd with him and the girl so it was awkward to watch. I was trying to imagine how I would handle that. I am not sure why they continuously get into these situations. Why not go to the single side?

I know the couple they played with and I am positive they did not know ahead of time as they always switch. She is pretty quiet and goes with the flow so I was not surprised she just put up with it. I know her husband would not have wanted her to be a 3rd with him and the girl so it was awkward to watch. I was trying to imagine how I would handle that. I am not sure why they continuously get into these situations. Why not go to the single side?

Sounds like neither couple communicated well then. The best way to handle this type of situation would be to not put yourself in it by talking about expectations before play. All it takes is a quick, "hey, we are a full swap couple, is that what you are in to?" and it's done and over and you know and will not even be in the situation.

Good advice!

If you only play together as a couple why would you get into that situation at all? There are more than a few times that I've seen men that aren't interested in playing. I suspect that the people playing with them probably knew beforehand that he didn't play or they didn't care. We don't go to clubs but with house or hotel parties we've never played as a couple and each of us finds our own entertainment so it's never a problem.

Well what people say and what people do are too entirely different things. We have found that it is pretty common for the other guy not to be able to perform, or to have a slow start. In the end, yeah I really stop caring whether the other guy is OK or not. I would like everybody to have the time of their lives, but I am also not responsible for their happiness either.

The one couple we were with so far the other guy was participating, but not really. He kept his boxerbriefs on the whole time just pulling his dick out to do his wife and mine for a bit. He did not even want a BJ from my wife, even after commenting on her skills after watching her blow me. He loved to eat pussy though, so at least he was participating in his on way. We are going to meet up with them again, despite my wife's lack of satisfaction, however this time, if he does not give enough attention to my wife, I will not be giving as much to his. I feel it will end up in more of a soft swap situation this way, but that's ok. My wife did enjoy his talents, but said she really wanted to get fucked more that night, so I will take care of that better this time.

 

On the other hand, when browsing profiles, we saw a few that clearly state the man will not play with my wife, at all. We skip over these. She wants to get fucked and and want to watch, so if the man is not going to play at all, well, they are not offering what we want.

 

It is apparently very common so, as always, before playing with a couple you should discuss what you all want out of it and if it's not gonna be there for you, just move on.

I don't really understand why you would play with them again? We absolutely wouldn't. Unless they were apologetic and really understood that your wife was not having a great time, I know for sure we wouldn't.

I know the couple they played with and I am positive they did not know ahead of time as they always switch. She is pretty quiet and goes with the flow so I was not surprised she just put up with it. I know her husband would not have wanted her to be a 3rd with him and the girl so it was awkward to watch. I was trying to imagine how I would handle that. I am not sure why they continuously get into these situations. Why not go to the single side?

Sorry it's not clear who's getting into what situation?

My wife would just yell out 'SWITCH'

Hey Brad145 I think that would be the best course of action.

I don't really understand why you would play with them again? We absolutely wouldn't. Unless they were apologetic and really understood that your wife was not having a great time, I know for sure we wouldn't.

Well, she wasn't completely unsatisfied. She just wanted more D. She liked the other things he did, way better than me. In addition, part of the problem was that this was the other couples first full swap too. They have done mostly hotwifing and MFM before, with a couple soft swaps at the club. Being their first full swap too may have had something to do with him not performing as well. We also really hit it off with them and enjoy their company, so we are willing to give it another shot partially because we are comfortable with them now and partially because we still want to be their friends even if the play does not work out again. They agree with us on this. My wife is the one who wants to see them again and I have no complaints on that front. We have talked about it and she does not really feel left out, just that she wanted more attention from me.

I think it goes to the expectations for swapping - if it is couple for couple then both partners should be ready to go for the other. That said sometimes guys just don't have the hard "on" switch especially combined with nervousness and drinks. I don't advocate either for/against pill induced erections- don't do it myself.

Red and I have had only one C4C experience ourselves with another swinger couple we met at a party. Otherwise, the majority of my play to date has me and a F or MFM action. I can say that 90% was oral on her and me/her trading oral versus penis in vagina sex. I'm just not a "got to fuck PIV" guy.

Yes, this very common in same room swap situations, I have been in this situation where the other male can't "focus" and or "perform" because he is to distracted watching her wife having sex in the other side of the bed. Like I said this is very common and to be honest it doesn't bother us much, experience tells me that 90% of the time same room situations are a different variations of threesomes rather that a foursome. Most of the time there is someone taking a break, watching or taking a couple of pictures.