My only experiences so far have been bad but I remain optimistic

Greetings, this is my first post but I have been lurking/reading for a while. I really dig this community and love that I have found a place to talk to other folks in the lifestyle!

I realize that the following is the result of being a newbie and making mistakes of my part. I am getting way better about recognizing the various "characters" in the swinging world.

1.

Getting duped by a woman. She said she wanted to kiss a girl in front of her bf because he was just such a sweet good man and she wanted to give him a little something as a gift. She was totally straight and blah blah. I thought- aww sweet man? Sign me up! What is the harm in a kiss??

Well apparently she was very very very predatory and preferred girls to guy and it was her way of luring a newbie unicorn. I will always remember the sad sad look on his face as she tried to ravage me the min the door was closed.

2.

Also getting duped by a woman. She invited me into the room with her/bf, got naked in 2 seconds and only then informed me she was on her period.. uh.. ew.. Then she FLIPPED out on her bf for me being there. (she set him up he was entirely shy and had never been there before). She was abusive and jealous and actually made me feel shame as she freaked out on him. They completely ignored me as I put my boots back on and left.

In both cases felt used like I was a pawn in someone elses game. I guess Im just frustrated because this seems to happen alot (pet peeves are for another post).

now that I have vented I can move on=) To the adventures ahead!

*ps when I first wrote this post it was much longer and more detailed. However apparently my login had timed out before I finished it so it was lost! So apologies if this one seems a bit terse!

Curiosity is killing Schrödinger's Cat. By what means did you make contact with these deceptive females? How did you (happily) find us here at Swingersboard?

Incidentally, I WELCOME you. Hope you find "The Board" to be useful.

~Michael

Inquiring minds must know.

*smiles... Ignorance killed the cat curiosity was framed!!

Sorry I must have forgotten to add that info the second time I wrote the post! There is a local swingers club where I live. Actually there are technically 3 brick and mortar clubs but I have only been to one of them. The others aren't known for being classy/clean.

You should have seen the looks on peoples faces when they found out I was alone and going by myself the first time LOL!! What can I say Ive always believed in owning ones sexuality wherever that might take you.

As for how I found this forum- a complete accident of the internet. I ran a search for something I think and a topic popped up from here.

Well, welcome to the forums. I was sorry to read about your bad experiences and wonder if you've tried online sites like Swing Lifestyle or swinger zone instead of just meeting at the club? Even as a couple, we chat before meeting other people just to get a feel for who they are and what they are after. Having a profile to refer to can also help you learn what a couple or person is about.

I also wonder if you have developed a list of questions to ask potential playmates. If you're not wanting full on girl/girl play, how have you conveyed that to the people you met? You don't mention if you're bi or not. Not that it matters, just curious

Again, welcome! Keep the positive attitude.

EDIT: Sorry, I see in another post you are straight. As a straight-ish woman in the lifestyle, I can identify with the situations you have described. I used to list "bi-curious" in our profiles, but as a couple we learned that many couples were attracted to me, but had little interest in hubby. At the clubs, I make it pretty clear that while I can enjoy the touch of another woman to a point, that's not my main focus. We get less interest, but at least the interest we do get is genuine.

We're always on the lookout for a straight unicorn:) I hope you find better luck soon before you've had the chance to experience the lifestyle.

Wow thank you for all the great advice! I had not considered joining an online site. I guess I didnt think I was 'high volume" enough to warrant that. If Craigslist is any indication I guess I pictured getting 100s of responses! I had not thought about the other angle however- that I could see what they were about before meeting!

As for list of questions to ask potential playmates- see thats the thing. I do tell folks up front that I am only a little bi (I like how you put it- totally fine up till a point!) and that is why I felt so "duped" by the woman in my first example.

She knew how I felt and she told me she was straight as well... then basically attacked me the min the door was closed. She gave me a whole line about how she only made out with a girl once in college and always wanted to experiment but was straight etc.

She talked her way into my pants (really I am very ok with *most* stuff with women) and then wouldn't stop!! I mean wow !! I swear she was trying to devour me alive!! This was NOT a blushing newbie who just wanted to kiss another lady for her man.

It really wasnt hot though it was intense and icky.

*also I still dont know the proper way to represent myself. I dont think I really quite fit the straight label but I know Im not bi. sighs. Maybe someday Ill figure it out but for now all I can do is have limits.

But regardless thank you for your response:blush::blush:

*ps

I do want to point out that I realize that I made many newbie mistakes, put myself in that position and did not speak up for myself like I should have (I hate hurting peoples feelings). I have become way better about that. You live and hopefully you learn=)

This sounds familiar, from my early days. We are a couple that enjoys mfm 3ways fairly regularly. Setting up the first meeting is always the biggest hurdle for us. It is always in a public place, over drinks or a meal. No play on the first meeting is stressed. If everyone hits it off, fine but best to have specific expectations. Also, rather than placing an ad in craigslist, answer the mf for f ads. Be honest and get to know the folks before dropping the panties. I have gone thru some horrible experiences because I didnt want to hurt feelings. Now we try to feel confident everyone is on the same page. Good luck and dont give up. Amazing pleasure awaits!

Welcome to the board hope you like it, and find it useful and fun.

She did. Three years ago.

We meet people for drinks or dinner. We usually leave it at that and decide if we want to play later at another time. We think we are a good judge of people. We are both straight. We like to play with people who are fun, funny, kind and considerate. Looks are important but secondary. We do not like people who are self absorbed or egotistical. We vet people at dinner. We ask them to play at another time. If we all like it, we meet again. We've been lucky this year and we've met some terrific people. Sex aside, we've met some super people. Vetting works!

Looks like her bad experiences killed another unicorn (she hasn't been back since 5-2012). Unicorns and geese that lay golden eggs: both must be taken very good care of but all too often are not. We totally agree with NJBM with the vetting thing. We've met some great people (but for one reason or another had nothing else happen) and dodged a couple of bullets as well. Take care with who you are planning on opening yourself up to.

As for any unicorns who may read this in the future: we have a really nice stable for you to visit and stay as long as you would like :wink:

We are not crazy about the idea of playing with singles. Just strikes us as unfair. We may next try a threesome with one or two other couples providing the personnel. We can rotate so no one gets left out.

Too bad we lost another unicorn. Hey lifestylers, don't get cutesy with the unicorns! We have really shelved that whole concept.

*ps when I first wrote this post it was much longer and more detailed. However apparently my login had timed out before I finished it so it was lost! So apologies if this one seems a bit terse!

I hate when that happens. I keep forgetting to copy and paste into a document, do what I want and then post my reply.