We made a mistake with a newbie couple recently.
Some background on us. When we go to a large party, we tend to mingle a lot. Doesn't matter who we arrived with or who we plan on playing with later, we are going to mingle. Talk, kiss and touch all sorts of people we know and maybe some we just met. That's why we are at the large party. If we didnt want to mingle, we wouldnt go. One of the few rules we have in the lifestyle is non exclusivity. We refuse to be exclusive with anyone else. We reserve the right to kiss and touch whomever we desire. So if we are at a party and there are 10 people we are friendly with, so be it. It doesnt mean we dont have a favorite, it doesnt mean we arent going to still play with whomever we have set up plans with, it just means that is what we like and that's why we attend a party. If we want to solo it for the night, we dont go to a lifestyle party.
We know that isnt how everyone does it though, some people like to stay attached to their planned playdates all night, and some even like to stay attached to the people they arrived with, even if no play is planned for later. To each their own.
So, what happened is we met a new couple for drinks and chatting (nothing else happened) before the party. We had talked a bit with them through text and website mail before this, and had briefly met them the previous week at a party.
Then, it's time to go to the party and we all waited for the shuttle ride over there (along with a bunch of others). By this time we had spoken with them about our plans for the party and how we enjoy it. They seemed to understand, but I guess they didnt. The female was fine, the male half didnt grasp this though even though he agreed also.
Anyway, we get to the party, and again we say a quick "nice meeting you, if we dont see you again have fun!" type of thing. We did introduce them to a few people while waiting for the shuttle, but they quickly went on their own way and we lost track of them upon arriving (typical larger party, few hundred people, dark noisy bar..). Saw them here and there during the party, said a few words here and there, kept mingling.
So the night goes along, we enjoy ourselves, and we head back to the hotel. We were thinking about what to do and if we should play with anyone or what. And then the mr half texts us with something a bit unhappily odd. So we invited them to our room (knowing that this was blowing our chances of playing with anyone else mind you) to talk about it.
They come to our room, and then the Mr half of them lambasts us for being rude and treating them poorly by leaving them out to hang all night.
At first we were taken aback, we all had a bit to drink, so I asked again to clarify the issue. More ranting. Then we said we were sorry, we didnt realize they didnt understand what we said earlier. And then he started to rant again, and I'd had enough. I told him do you recall what I said early on. He says yes. So then I asked , ok what's the problem?
He then finally admitted that it was a bit disconcerting to him that he couldnt "win over" my wife to the point of having her stay by his side all night, and part of that might have been that his wife seems rather interested in me, even though it's her coming onto me, he still probably feels a bit jealous or something. He had the expectation that we were going to go further, even though neither of us said anything towards that (hell him and my wife never even kissed yet, he never even made the move..) , it's just how it worked when he used to date.
Well we said this isnt dating, and it's not how we work, not to mention we already said that isnt in the plans.
We then went through a few examples of past experiences, and also said having drinks is not equal to saying yes to sex. Unless someone is in your room and their clothes are off and you are having sex while they say yes, dont count on sex. He demeanor was softening by this time, and he conceded that he probably went overboard with how he was talking.
And there it was. Poor expectations ended up pretty much ruining his night from what we gather. He stewed all night at the party, and was really pissed by the time the party was done.
Still bewilders me why he didnt say anything early on at the party when we saw them, but who knows.
The thing is, this kind of drama-ish crap happens all the time. Usually though the people that feel slighted will never tell you, instead they just avoid you or vanish, and once in a while they probably gossip about it instead. We've all heard those stories.
So, we decided we really need to state our plans very clearly and probably a few times to anyone, especially newbies. We figure that if stating our plans pisses someone off, at least it will happen before the party instead of after. We've done this before, and usually do it with everyone. Just last week my wife brought along her favored playmate to a bar meet, and we made it clear to him that she wouldnt be "exclusive". She was going to arrive and leave with him, but had no plans on going out yet avoiding others. He didnt initially like hearing this, but has accepted it. It's a marriage rule for us, the only people we are exclusive with is ourselves. Nobody else will dictate that to us.