Naturally, the questions above are not meant to be all-inclusive, but rather a starting point for you to begin thinking about your own needs, desires and comfort levels.

Tips Define signals with your partner, these signals need to cover situations like: Get me out of here!, We neet to talk, I'm uncomfortable, I'm interested, etc.

When setting rules it is important to be specific. For example, it may not be sufficient to say "we are comfortable with full sexual intercourse" and happily go off to meet your play partners. Questions to ask surrounding that rule may include:

How do we signal that we are uncomfortable in a situation? Don't forget there will be times when you will need a non-verbal signal, and times when the verbal signal you have defined earlier may be out of place - as an example, my wife and I defined a signal as "I need a smoke break", whenever one of us said that it meant, "we need to talk". Which was fine until we went to a swingers club and were sitting there happily smoking, and realized that we couldn't say "I need a smoke break" without seeming either crazy or sneaky.

How do we define when we are "done". My wife and I struggled with this for some time, we would be playing with another couple, and one or the other of us would essentially be "finished" and ready to go, while the other was interested in continuing to play. Don't assume anything. On one occassion, this little issue nearly made us give up the lifestyle, she was done, and I wasn't and as I continued to play, she felt left out and inadequate. Are we only going to play in the same bed? In the same room? Or are we okay with separating and playing with someone else?

If we decide that we only play together, same room, same bed, etc. What happens if one of us needs to go to the bathroom? Should the other stop playing and wait? Continue to play? Accompany the other? Will we "take one for the team"? In other words, what if we meet another couple and my partner is completely turned on by the couple we meet, and I'm not. Do we still play? If not, how will I communicate to my partner that I'm not interested?

Discuss everything
After each experience talk about everything that happened, were you excited? Challenged? Happy? Was it a pleasurable experience? Were there any "awkward" moments? Be sure to openly discuss whether you are interested in playing again with whoever you played with.

Be prepared for change
Typically, as you gain experience, your rules will evolve. When we initially began swinging, one of my rules was that I didn't want my wife to swallow for another man - this seemed like an extremely intimate act to me, and while I was comfortable with recreational sex, I was uncomfortable with perceived "intimacy" between my wife and another man.

After a few experiences, while discussing the events of the previous night, my wife pointed out to me that it was stressful to her, and to the man she was blowing to worry about exactly what I meant - was it okay for him to cum in her mouth, as long as she didn't swallow? What about pre-cum?

Her approach was excellent, and in the proper context, and after thinking about it for awhile, I decided that since we had a trusting relationship with this other couple - trusting to the point that we had forgone condoms with them - I was comfortable with her swallowing him.

More Change
Our rules evolve differently with different partners as well. Naturally, we play with people we trust and like, nevertheless, with some partners we have more "stringent " rules. Likewise, we have to be respectful of our play partner's rules as well, and their rules may change and evolve over time.

It is critical to accept that rules will change, and that each of you may have different ideas about how and when this will occur. Open and honest communication is the only hope for starting and continuing an enjoyable "swingers lifestyle".

Stick with your rules. The time to change rules is not on-the-spot, and it is not acceptable to "forget" a rule. It is also unacceptable to put your partner on the spot and demand a decision on a rule change in the heat of the moment.

If you are interested in changing or abolishing a rule, the time to discuss it is afterwards. Again, I remind you, rules are not about negotiation or argument, they are about comfort and enjoyment, so be respectful of your partner, and their feelings.

Also, be aware that your play partners have their own rules, and if you run into one that seems odd to you - remember it makes sense to them. Do not try to convince them that they should change their rule to suit you.

In Conclusion
Setting rules is clearly critical to enjoyment of the lifestyle, and unfortunately it can become a point of conflict if not handled with respect, caring and love for your partner. However, with some open communication, and thought an effective set of rules can lead to enjoyable experiences for all.